Fat Guy 5: Five Characters We Wish Were Killed

With the release this week of yet another Nicholas Sparks movie, we now have learned the true formula. Take a forbidden summer romance, throw in some upper-class/lower-class tension and nice picturesque shots of Savannah’s beaches, and you’re only missing one thing…

Like any good horror movie, a Nicholas Sparks movie would not be complete without someone dying.

And that got us thinking… if only every movie was written by Nicholas Sparks, who would we have liked to see bite it in other films. What follows is a fun, but hardly definitive, Fat Guy Five list!

5. Ruby Rhod (Chris Tucker), The Fifth Element (1997)

“Korben… Korben… Korben… Korben! Korben! Korben! Korben!! Korben!! Korben!!! KorbenKorbenKorbenKorbenKorben!!! KORBEN! KORBEN!!!” Who didn’t want to kill this guy?

4. Jar Jar Binks, Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace (1999)

Sure, this film was the first Star Wars movie in almost two decades. Sure, it was on the cutting edge of digital technology. But Jar Jar Binks couldn’t have been more annoying. He was the Short Round of this movie.

3. Short Round (Ke Huy Quan), Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984)

And speaking of Short Round… I saw this movie when I was only 12, so I identified with a kid who followed Indiana Jones around like a sick puppy. But as an adult, I see him for what he really was… a cheap grab at the interest of a 12 year old.

2. Carmen Ibanez (Denise Richards), Starship Troopers (1997)

Even director Paul Verhoeven acknowledges that the decision to kill Dizzy (Dina Meyer) and keep Carmen alive was a bad idea in the long run. According to the commentary track of this film, comment cards from the test screenings said, “You killed the wrong girl!”

1. Tyler Hawkins (Robert Pattinson), Remember Me (2010)

Oh wait…

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