ZERO DARK THIRTYDecember 19, 2012
STARRING
Jessica Chastain as MAYA
Jason Clarke as DAN
Joel Edgerton as PATRICK
Mark Strong as GEORGE
Chris Pratt as JUSTIN
Kyle Chandler as JOSEPH BRADLEY
Jennifer Ehle as JESSICA
Directed by: Kathyrn Bigelow
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Rated PG-13
Opens: December 14, 2012
Studio: Warner Bros.
Starring: Martin Freeman, Ian McKellan, Cate Blanchett, Hugo Weaving and Elijah Wood
Directed by: Peter Jackson
Kevin says The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey ROCKS!
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PLAYING FOR KEEPSDecember 14, 2012
STARRING
Gerard Butler as GEORGE
Jessica Biel as STACIE
Noah Lomax as LEWIS
Dennis Quaid as CARL
Uma Thurman as PATTI
Catherine Zeta-Jones as DENISE
Judy Greer as BARB
Directed by: Gabriele Muccino
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THE HOBBIT: AN UNEXPECTED JOURNEYDecember 14, 2012
STARRING
Ian McKellen as GANDALF
Martin Freeman as BILBO
Richard Armitage as THORIN
Andy Serkis as GOLLUM
Hugo Weaving as ELROND
Cate Blanchett as GALADRIEL
Christopher Lee as SARUMAN
Directed by: Peter Jackson
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This Week: With only one major movie opening this week, Kevin and Kristin gather a team of dwarves and wizards to return to Middle Earth. There they talk about upper Michigan coldness with Deadfall and how handjobs and hot dogs changed American history in Hyde Park on Hudson. They also talk about that little independent film you’ve heard of called The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey. In keeping with the spirit of Peter Jackson, this episode is presented in 48fps (which stands for 48 fat pudgy spasms). Kevin and Kristin also chat about DVDs and Blu-rays and learn how to properly say French words in movie titles.
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OSNAP: Dude, Seriously?
Hanukkah continues in the Magical Studio in the Sky with Merrill rattling off memorized Hebrew sayings throughout the show. Kevin then grills Merrill about how Jewish people actually pray, and Merrill has no good answers for him. Kevin continues to talk about feeling conflicted and uncomfortable during the show, but things look up when he describes the awesomeness of slutty brownies (which he calls the turducken of desserts). Later, Kevin and Merrill complain a little more about bloggers who get jealous about silly things and others that want to recall geek cards from anyone who doesn’t bleed green-copper blood. Finally, Kevin caps off the show with a disturbing stripper story. Oh, snap!
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FUTURAMA: VOLUME 7
(not rated)
MOVIE: ***1/2 (out of 5)
DVD EXPERIENCE: ***1/2 (out of 5)
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In this very special very special episode: Key & Peele director Peter Atencio joins Merrill in the Magical Studio in The Sky to talk process and development of the hit Comedy Central series.
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Kevin’s picks on DVD this week: Ted, The Bourne Legacy, Futurama: Volume 7, Ice Age: Continental Drift and Miami Connection
Stinker of the week: Girls: Season One
Kevin Carr’s DVD Rundown for 12/11/12
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Mission Objective: Merrill and Rob are tasked by overlord Kevin Carr to find the mole within the Fat Guys Network. At the same time, Agent Aguirre is captured by the evil Amanda in an attempt to breakdown Rob and Merrill from the inside. Oh, and Merrill is high on pain killers. There’s some Nikita talk too.
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Rated PG-13
Opens: December 7, 2012
Studio: Paramount
Starring: Gerard Butler, Jessica Biel, Uma Thurman, Judy Greer and Catherine Zeta-Jones
Directed by: Gabriele Muccino
Kevin says Playing for Keeps SUCKS!
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Rated PG
Opens: November 15, 2012
Studio: Fox Searchlight
Starring: Anthony Hopkins, Helen Mirren, Scarlett Johansson, Danny Huston and Toni Collette
Directed by: Sacha Gervasi
Kevin says Hitchcock kinda rocks!
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This Week: Kevin and Kristin celebrate a week of no movies… at least not any that anyone wants to see. Sure, there’s that new Gerard Butler picture, but they didn’t screen that for anyone. So to have something to talk about, Kevin and Kristin look at Hitchcock and reminisce on the Master of Suspense’s best films. They also read an iTunes review that strokes their egos. After some box office predictions that are sure to be super accruate, they throw down some DVD and Blu-ray recommendations before signing off for another week.
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OSNAP: I Yuv Big F*cks
Kevin and Merrill celebrate Hanukkah in the Magical Studio in the Sky by examining how much energy it takes to be Anti-Semitic. They also talk about the insane amount of energy that is needed to keep up with online drama and coordinate an “Elf of the Shelf” campaign for kids. All of this leads to the discovery that Kevin and Merrill are such nice guys because they are just too damn lazy to officially hate anyone or any group. They also look ahead to Award Season by talking about the multitude of “For Your Consideration” screeners that Kevin has received, and this leads Kevin to focus all of his lazy hatred on Judd Apatow and his latest film, This Is 40. There’s a brief apology to some loyal listeners for skimping on the stories about poop, porn and drunkenness. There’s also a revelation as to why Kevin’s youngest son swears so much. Oh, snap!
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BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD
(PG-13)
MOVIE: *** (out of 5)
BLU-RAY EXPERIENCE: *** (out of 5)
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