Kevin’s Live-Tweet of ‘Zombie’

fatguy — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 12:10:55 +0000

On October 10, Kevin live-tweeted Lucio Fulci’s 1979 classic movie of the undead, Zombie (also known as Zombi 2). Here’s a log, complete with time-code for your home-viewing pleasure.

ZOMBIE 00:30 – Already has the feeling of an undead spaghetti western. And it’s just the credits.

ZOMBIE 02:00 – And there’s the World Trade Center. Nothing funny on that line. Just an observation.

ZOMBIE 02:45 – Was this ghost ship sailing into the NY harbor an homage to the original DRACULA novel? Looks like it to me.

ZOMBIE 04:00 – “Ahoy there”??? does the harbor patrol really say “Ahoy there”? In NYC, no less? Meh, it was the 70s.

ZOMBIE 05:00 – So that little old dude with the stick is the only thing holding the harbor patrol next to the boat?

ZOMBIE 05:45 – “Sorry. The winch is broken.” Or, the wench is broken. Only one will heal on its own.

ZOMBIE 06:45 – Can you lend me a hand?

ZOMBIE 07:45 – Do fat zombies float?

ZOMBIE 07:50 – Stupid harbor patrol dude. Unloads all his bullets in a zombie’s chest. Hasn’t he seen any zombie movies?

ZOMBIE 09:15 – “Keep the British out of your prose.” I don’t even know what that means. I hope the news editor gets eaten.

ZOMBIE 10:00 – This is a might bit traumatic to bring the gal into the boat of the dead to interrogate her.

ZOMBIE 10:30 – Apparently Jack Valenti got fat, traveled through time and started working for the NYPD

ZOMBIE 11:30 – “Due to a huge laceration to the jugular”? You mean the giant bite mark in the neck?

ZOMBIE 12:40 – According to the sound effect track, a tiny plane just landed on the zombie’s hand. Gotta love Italian music tracks.

ZOMBIE 14:45 – “Don’t scream. There’s nothing to be afraid of.” I’m just attacking you on your boat. I’m a reporter, after all.

ZOMBIE 15:45 – Message of the movie: New York Harbor Patrol is incompetent.

ZOMBIE 16:30 – “Now just do what I tell you.”… take off your panties. Trust me. I’m a reporter.

ZOMBIE 17:15 – Wah wah wah wah… people making out at murder scenes is funny!

ZOMBIE 17:45 – Ad libbing about box cars and bananas. WTF?

ZOMBIE 19:15 – Typical 70s era space-age design intended to look futuristic, but looking retro even for the day.

ZOMBIE 19:55 – Stop the disco and cue the kettle drums. That’s how we know we’re in the tropics and no longer in NYC.

ZOMBIE 20:15 – did he seriously just ask a cab driver in the tropics if he knew where he could rent a boat. Brilliant journalism.

ZOMBIE 21:30 – Whoa! Nip slip from the boat driver’s wife.

ZOMBIE 22:45 – “I was born on a boat.” That doesn’t mean you know anything about boats. I was born in a hospital, but I’m not a surgeon.

ZOMBIE 23:45 – How you can tell this is an Italian movie. All dudes are old and bearded. All ladies are hot and sexy. I wish I was Italian.

ZOMBIE 24:40 – Why did the music track go from kettle drums to tribal drums? Why am I asking these questions of 70s Italian horror/

ZOMBIE 26:00 – Bitch slap #1. Who does this guy think he is? James Bond in DR. NO?

ZOMBIE 26:50 – 1st mention of the word “zombie.” Less than a minute after the first bitch slap. Coincidence?

ZOMBIE 29:15 – Well, either he’s going to inject himself with something related to zombies, or he’s taking smack. Either way, he’s screwed.

ZOMBIE 30:45 – Dude. If you’re gonna bother to wear a shirt (in the style of George Lucas plaid), at least button it up.

ZOMBIE 31:30 – 1st a camel toe. Then her boobies. Then her thong. God bless you, Lucio Fulci!

ZOMBIE 32:20 – Is it just me, or does it look like that SCUBA gear is going to chafe her twat?

ZOMBIE 33:30 – I love the fact this hot chick is wearing a bathing cap, but no top. Not complaining… just noticing.

ZOMBIE 34:20 – Like @AronDej, I am really into this almost naked chick SCUBA diving.

ZOMBIE 34:55 – That 8-ft shark just rammed the boat and almost capsized it. How is that even possible?

ZOMBIE 35:50 – I’m pretty sure I won’t see this in the ESTHER WILLIAMS COLLECTION I have to watch in the next week or so.

ZOMBIE 36:00 – yeah, I’m pretty sure I just saw her pubes.

ZOMBIE 36:25 – No one will be seated during the breathtaking zombie vs shark scene.

ZOMBIE 37:00 – I just can’t help but wonder what the shark was thinking through this scene. “Why is this dude trying to eat *me*?”

ZOMBIE 40:30 – I think the Asylum should make the film MEGA SHARK VS. ZOMBIE OCTOPUS

ZOMBIE 41:10 – Crazy chick with excessive eye make-up showering around mirrors and open windows = awesome.

ZOMBIE 43:30 – Cripes! How big is that mumu that lady’s wearing? Did she borrow it from Ethel Merman?

ZOMBIE 45:00 – Zombie films have taught us that zombies are excellent at breaking through doors. They work for Bob Villa.

ZOMBIE 45:55 – What’s worse than a zombie attack? A poke in the eye with a sharp stick.

ZOMBIE 47:00 – How long were they out on that boat? Didn’t a whole night pass? And it looks like El Nino hit the beach.

ZOMBIE 48:30 – Awwww…. a bunny and a… dead body? Who keeps their rabbit hutch hear their dead bodies?

ZOMBIE 49:40 – Why are they firing off flares? They’re like 100 yards from the shore.

ZOMBIE 51:10 – Don’t fill in the mass grave yet because 2 more are going to die soon? Do we need to conserve mass grave space now?

ZOMBIE 53:30 – Why is an Omar Sharif look-alike giving a speech? Not really sure.

ZOMBIE 54:30 – There must have been a sale on bedsheets. This guy’s wasting them on wrapping up perfectly good zombies.

ZOMBIE 55:40 – That donkey doesn’t seem to be bothered in the least by this zombie shenanigans.

ZOMBIE 56:30 – How big is this freaking island? They’ve been driving for miles.

ZOMBIE 57:15 – Why do are the dudes in this movie showing more chest than the ladies. That’s just not right.

ZOMBIE 58:15 – There’s the “only other white man on the island.” Apparently the white nurse doesn’t count.

ZOMBIE 1:00:20 – “There’s something fishy about him.” Well, he does live near the ocean.

ZOMBIE 1:00:50 – “Doesn’t seem like anyone’s at home. What should we do now?” “Might as well go inside.” Tell that to the judge.

ZOMBIE 1:01:45 – Oh don’t mind me. I’m just having a little snack. It’s a zombie buffet.

ZOMBIE 1:02:30 – Why does it always take people so long to run in zombie movies? Do they just need to drink in the terror?

ZOMBIE 1:03:30 – Apparently it’s a lot easier to shoot zombies if they are wrapped up like gorditas.

ZOMBIE 1:04:50 – If everyone’s dead or undead on the island, where is that drumming coming from.

ZOMBIE 1:05:20 – The Zach Galifinakis look-alike just seems annoyed with comforting his girlfriend.

ZOMBIE 1:07:20 – A rusty old conquistador helmet??? How does that relate to zombies?

ZOMBIE 1:08:40 – Zombies hot on your trail? Let’s take a nap… but maybe have sex first… right on a zombie grave, no less.

ZOMBIE 1:09:20 – Zach Galifinakis to the rescue!

ZOMBIE 1:10:00 – Rule #1 people. Cardio!

ZOMBIE 1:10:30 – Look lady, if you’re not going to even stand up when the zombie comes after you, you deserve to have your throat eaten.

ZOMBIE 1:11:00 – Great Caesar’s ghost! Zach Galifinakis is wearing a DAILY PLANET T-shirt.

ZOMBIE 1:20:00 – Moral of this story… don’t nap and have sex on 400-yr-old conquistador graves that might contain zombies.

ZOMBIE 1:12:40 – These new zombies are a little late for the party. They must have been drunk last night and slept thru the alarm.

ZOMBIE 1:14:10 – Made it to the crappy hospital and exclaimed, “We’ve done it!” Wouldn’t “doing it” mean getting off the f-ing island?

ZOMBIE 1:14:50 – Whoa. That’s what Paris Hilton is going to look like in a few years.

ZOMBIE 1:15:30 – Holy pig knuckles! That’s more than a sprained ankle. Sprained ankles generally don’t include open wounds.

ZOMBIE 1:17:15 – Does that include scientology?

ZOMBIE 1:17:50 – “You two stay where you are. Watch those windows.” And apparently get eaten if the zombies get here.

ZOMBIE 1:18:25 – As goofy as this movie is, the zombie killin’ moments are unforgettably awesome. Shovel TO THE FACE!

ZOMBIE 1:19:00 – Okay! Who was in charge of closing the windows? I think they missed one. Zach Galifinakis, I’m talking to you!

ZOMBIE 1:19:30 – Come on Zach Galifinakis, aim for the head!

ZOMBIE 1:20:30 – that must be a zombie ninja because he was able to sneak up on them so easily. Either that or they’re stupid.

ZOMBIE 1:22:00 – Nice one, Zach Galifinakis. Send the women down to the zombie basement to get kerosene. What a gentlemen.

ZOMBIE 1:22:40 – Generally, it’s a bad idea to throw molotov cocktails in the building where you’re hiding. Kinda defeats the purpose.

ZOMBIE 1:23:30 – Hey, was that Ross Perot?

ZOMBIE 1:23:50 – After trial and error, Zach Galifinakis still hasn’t learned to shoot them in the head.

ZOMBIE 1;25:30 – Hot naked SCUBA chick back as a zombie. And Zach Galifinakis doesn’t run. Idiot.

ZOMBIE 1:27:00 – And Zach Galifinakis changed out of his Daily Planet shirt, but keeps his button-down open. Why is he not a zombie yet?

ZOMBIE 1:28:00 – “He’s dead.” Uh, and going to turn into a zombie. Duh. Throw him overboard.

ZOMBIE 1:29:30 – Nice twist at the end. Not unpredictable, but kinda interesting.

ZOMBIE 1:30:10 – Cue funky dance music, and ROLL CREDITS!

Big thanks to @AronDej for joining me on the live-tweet of ZOMBIE. That was fun.

Follow Kevin on…

Fat Guys at the Movies » Zombi 2

Kevin’s Live-Tweet of ‘Zombie’

Related Reading