Episode 190 – Burley-Q

Kevin Carr — Thu, 25 Nov 2010 10:33:33 +0000

On This Week’s Show: For the Big Fat Thanksgiving Special, Neil takes off and skips the show, leaving Kevin alone in the Magical Studio in the Sky. So he invites Grae Drake from the Popcorn Mafia podcast to join him for a big plate of food with all the fixin’s. Grae takes her special talent for derailing the show and sends everything off the tracks in the infamous middle segment. Kevin tries to talk about the new movies, but they end up talking turkeys instead.

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Episode Schedule:

Part I: A preview of Love and Other Drugs and Faster (8:50)

Part II: Reviews of Faster, Tangled and Burlesque (10:40)

Part III: More on Burlesque, Box Office Recap, Box Office Predictions and the Fat Guy Five: Five Favorite Turkeys (41:00)

Part IV: DVD Round-Up: The Search for Santa Paws, Lennon Naked, 12 Men of Christmas, Batman Beyond, Twilight Sage: Eclipse, Eat Pray Love, Expendables and I’m Still Here (6:35)

Next Week:

Kevin welcomes Neil back to talk about only The Warrior’s Way.

Show Links:

FSR’s Weekly Report Card for Tangled, Faster and Burlesque

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Follow Grae on Twitter (@popcornmafia)

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Kevin’s Live-Tweet of ‘Leonard Part 6′

Kevin Carr — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 11:10:03 +0000

On November 7, Kevin started his Thanksgiving Turkey live-tweets by skewering the 1987 spy movie spoof, Leonard Part 6, recognized as one of the worst films ever made. Here’s a log, complete with time-code for your home-viewing pleasure.

A big thanks (sort of) to @Regi_S for recommending the film.

Turkey #1 is… “Leornard: Part 6.” Apparently Bill Cosby bought out the TV rights to restrict showing the film.#kevincarrtweetsturkeys

LEONARDp6 00:40 – A freaking pink bunny? That’s your studio logo? Holy crap

LEONARDp6 01:20 – And a burping fish. This movie is going to be awesome, I assure you.

LEONARDp6 01:55 – Jan Da Bont, the director of SPEED, was the cinematographer.

LEONARDp6 02:30 – That guy looks like he could use a Jell-O pudding pop.

LEONARDp6 04:30 – A barking fish. How is that funny? Oh, it’s not.

LEONARDp6 05:10 – Did they seriously make a Playboy joke with a fish? That’s not even the same Order (or Class… I forget which).

LEONARDp6 05:50 – We’re almost six minutes in… and it already doesn’t make sense. Killer rainbow trout? Bill Cosby riding an ostrich? WTF?

LEONARDp6 07:20 – Bill Cosby can’t deliver a line of dialogue without sounding like Cliff Huxtable giving sage fatherly advice.

LEONARDp6 08:10 – For the first time… I’m stumped… I have no words to descibe this train wreck of a film.

LEONARDp6 09:20 – Ah… the old ricochet gag. Didn’t we see that in DAWN OF THE DEAD?

LEONARDp6 10:00 – I have an easier time believing Mike Myers is a secret agent than Bill Cosby.

LEONARDp6 10:35 – “A group of highly trained housecats” as assassins? Seriously? And squirrels too?

LEONARDp6 12:00 – Who’s narrating this movie? What is the purpose? My brain hurts already. Maybe I’m just being scanned by Michael Ironside

LEONARDp6 12:55 – Joe Don Baker manages to be creepy… big surprise. “His wife…” {evil sneer}

LEONARDp6 14:00 – Ahhhh… it’s the butler who’s narrating. Still makes no sense.

LEONARDp6 14:30 – Did Cliff Huxstable just walk into an episode of FRESH PRINCE?

LEONARDp6 15:30 – Why are we in a scene from a sit-com. I though this was a spoof of the spy genre. His daughter wants to be an actress.

LEONARDp6 16:45 – Moses Gunn in this movie looks like John Witherspoon does today.

LEONARDp6 17:10 – Jesus, that’s a big f-ing sandwich… and a product placement bottle of Coke.

LEONARDp6 17:30 – The irony is Leonard’s daughter wants to be an actress… and this movie killed the actress’s career.

LEONARDp6 18:40 – Since when do evil geniuses staff their lairs with beefed up guys from Gold’s Gym in spandex?

LEONARDp6 19:30 – This movie represents the plagues of the Bible. We are currently in a plague of frogs.

LEONARDp6 19:50 – I don’t remember the plagues of cats, squirrels and rainbow trout, though.

LEONARDp6 20:15 – Holy mother of God. Frogs hopping a car into the bay? Was the writer on shrooms when he wrote this?

LEONARDp6 21:00 – I swear… If Leonard starts to “touch himself,” I’m turning this off.

LEONARDp6 21:40 – Is food a metaphor in this movie? All he does is get served food… pudding, sandwich, night cap.

LEONARDp6 23:35 – Did Leonard just say he’s going to explode? I hope it’s not a figurative sense.

LEONARDp6 24:00 – And he lays a smooch on the butler… because that’s what spies do, people.

LEONARDp6 24:30 – We need a montage! Montage!

LEONARDp6 25:15 – They’re not even shaving right. How can you expect a decent film?

LEONARDp6 25:35 – And he kissed the butler again. Really?

LEONARDp6 26:07 – Okay, I just saw Leonard’s reverse camel toe. I just threw up a bit in my mouth.

LEONARDp6 26:45 – How much did Adidas, Perrier and Coke pay for product placement in this movie? Whateever it was, it was too much.

LEONARDp6 27:45 – This montage is so long, it would have taken less time to just watch him do everything in real time.

LEONARDp6 30:00 – Why so many candles? Are we in a Mexican church in a bad action movie? Nope… just a bad action movie.

LEONARDp6 32:00 – Again, Leonard is being served food (well, sort of). What’s the significance?

LEONARDp6 32:30 – Leonard now looks like he is at the end of a crazy Peter North movie.

LEONARDp6 33:20 – “Cancel the grits.” That’s the best punch line you could come up with???

LEONARDp6 34:20 – Ummmm… that’s not a trailer park. That’s under a bridge in the ghetto.

LEONARDp6 36:00 – This movie would make just as much sense if all the dialogue was in the wacky fortune teller’s gibberish.

LEONARDp6 36:40 – Wait! the fortune teller falls asleep after telling a fortune? Is she a dude after having sex?

LEONARDp6 37:15 – Note to Bill Cosby… when you dess as a spy… suck in your gut. That body armor makes you look fat.

LEONARDp6 37:50 – “A pair of underarm heat-seeking missles.” The dialogue just described the movie itself.

LEONARDp6 38:40 – Pomp and Freaking Circumstance is the music choice? They’re just grabbing public domain stuff at this point.

LEONARDp6 39:50 – What is the mission again? I seriously have no idea what is going on in this movie.

LEONARDp6 40:50 – These optical effects are bad… even for 1987… even for a low-budget movie… even for SuperFriends.

LEONARDp6 41:35 – And now the 1812 Overture? more public domain music.

LEONARDp6 42:15 – Why is the crazy-ass Diana Ross trying to do again?

LEONARDp6 42:50 – And a zebra… and an anteater… was there a sale at the San Diego Zoo?

LEONARDp6 43:45 – Tap dancing animal hybrid vegetarians. yeah, I’m not making this up.

LEONARDp6 44:30 – I now recommend everyone see this movie just to prove your own sanity. The animal hybrid vegetarians are dancing now.

LEONARDp6 46:00 – The Bill Cosby ballet dancing body double is nowhere near as fat as he is. (Yes, you read that one correctly.)

LEONARDp6 46:50 – Oh, and what human-animal hybrid vegetarian dance number wouldn’t be complete without a disco riff track.

LEONARDp6 47:45 – Seriously? They have a pack of dalmatians in the lair? Who is this lady, Cruella De Vil?

LEONARDp6 48:25 – Yes, Bill Cosby. That outfit makes your ass look fat.

LEONARDp6 48:45 – Uh… that’s not a queen bee. And that’s just a guy making a buzzing noise with his mouth. Wow.

LEONARDp6 49:50 – Those are the biggest glory holes I have ever seen.

LEONARDp6 50:30 – Wow… just wow…

LEONARDp6 51:00 – Is that the St. Elsewhere theme? I guess because he’s operating on himself.

LEONARDp6 53:50 – I think Michael Lehman keeps a copy of this movie around to show people that HUDSON HAWK wasn’t really that bad.

LEONARDp6 54:30 – This scene in which Leonard is forced to watch his daughter’s crappy play is like making me watch this movie.

LEONARDp6 55:20 – How dare this movie have the hot daughter take off her shirt and not give us the money shot!

LEONARDp6 57:50 – So they printed a ransom note with various text fonts? Yeah, that makes sense.

LEONARDp6 58:55 – “I knew we got the wrong rabbit.” Yeah, I’ve had days like that.

LEONARDp6 59:40 – I really don’t even know what happened in that last scene… except that they ripped off MONTY PYTON’S HOLY GRAIL.

LEONARDp6 1:00:40 – The Electric Mayhem’s bus if following them.

LEONARDp6 1:02:45 – Again! Someone’s giving Leonard food???

LEONARDp6 1:03:45 – “I got your ball. Now let me in.” The only thing in this movie that is remotely funny.

LEONARDp6 1:05:25 – Wow. That henchman has a bigger ass than Bill Cosby.

LEONARDp6 1:06:05 – The unthinkable to do to animals is to tell them the truth? I though the unthinkable involved a lot more lube.

LEONARDp6 1:06:45 – The “Kill Him!” guy is like a Dalek. He can’t go up stairs.

LEONARDp6 1:07:55 – Attack of the lobsters. Wasn’t scary in TEENAGERS FROM OUTER SPACE. Isn’t scary (or funny) now.

LEONARDp6 1:08:30 – Is the villainess going to eat all that cheese? She won’t crap for a week, unlike this movie.

LEONARDp6 1:09:15 – Why does all the things in Leonard’s pockets sparkle?

LEONARDp6 1:10:30 – Turkeys in a turkey. It’s prophetic.

LEONARDp6 1:10:50 – And horse shit in a horse shit movie. More prophecy.

LEONARDp6 1:11:25 – And she squeezes a banana. I suppose that’s supposed to be not-so-subtle imagery.

LEONARDp6 1:12:25 – Again, sparkling stuff coming out of Leonard’s pockets? I don’t even understand this movie.

LEONARDp6 1:13:40 – Okay… the goofy henchman having his head explode after eating a hot dog… I’ll let that scene speak for itself.

LEONARDp6 1:14:50 – a tommy gun? Wow… that guy is old.

LEONARDp6 1:15:40 – The science in this movie is worse than the writing… and that’s saying a lot.

LEONARDp6 1:16:40 – “Where’s daddy?” Sadly, he’s still alive.

LEONARDp6 1:17:10 – That poor, poor ostrich.

LEONARDp6 1:17:30 – Okay, if an ostrich can’t fly, why can it fly with Bill Cosby’s fat ass riding it?

LEONARDp6 1:18:40 – Why is Leonard kissing all these dudes if he’s back with his wife?

LEONARDp6 1:19:55 – I don’t get this erotic food fetish Leonard has… and ROLL CREDITS!

Final thoughts on LEONARD PART 6… What a galactic turd. Made no sense. Bill Cosby with an apparent sploshing fetish. My head hurts.

I now hate @Regi_S for recommending LEONARD PART 6.

@jmabell After watching this movie, I don’t want to know where Leonard puts his Jell-O pudding pops.

FYI… there is, in fact, a song called “The Love Theme from Leonard Part 6.”

The best part of this… @instant_netflix now says on my screen, “You just finished watching Leonard Part 6.” Should also say… “sucker!”

@jmabell It was like a cinematic laxative. Now THE FOURTH KIND doesn’t seem so bad.

@Stellar143 I would literally cut off other people’s thumbs to increase the number of thumbs down I would give this movie.

@Stellar143 It is so bad, it’s almost worth seeing, just to give yourself a baseline of how bad a film can be.

Big thanks to @AronDej for live-tweeting along with me on LEONARD PART 6!

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Thanksgiving Turkey Movies

Kevin Carr — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 10:50:18 +0000

Because the 31 Horror Movies in October was such a success, for the month of November leading up to Thanksgiving, Fat Guy Kevin Carr will be watching some of the biggest turkeys in cinematic history. He will be live-tweeting his pain through each film, so follow him at Twitter.com/kevincarr.

The following movies will be watched and live-tweeted by Kevin and various other members of the Twitterverse. Follow Kevin on Twitter to find out when he will watch the movies. Turkeys on deck for November 2009 include:

The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002)
Gigli (2003)
Godzilla (1998) *
I Love You Beth Cooper (2009)
Leonard Part 6 (1987) *
Rebirth of Mothra I & II double feature! (1999) *
Red Sonja (1985) *
Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama (1988)
Teen Witch (1989)
Xanadu (1980)

* denotes a film available on Netflix Instant, so there’s no excuse for not joining in

A special thanks goes to the following Twitter users for their various suggestions: @AronDej, @gmanreviews, @ReidBennett, @johncoop, @Regi_S, @andywhitedc, @GabeGarza and @FozzieBare. There were many fine suggestions, many of which did not make the list for various reasons.

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Fat Guys at the Movies » Turkeys

Episode 190 – Burley-Q

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Kevin’s Live-Tweet of ‘Leonard Part 6′

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