On October 21, Kevin live-tweeted the 1976 Spanish thriller, Who Can Kill a Child? Here’s a log, complete with time-code for your home-viewing pleasure.
A big thanks to @Fozziebare for recommending the film.
WCKAC 00:40 – Movie opens with an Auschwitz retrospective… cheery stuff.
WCKAC 02:15 – Uhhhh… okay. Thanks for the random history lesson.
WCKAC 02:40 – I get it. Kids die in war. Kinda weird to have the sound of kids laughing over the soundtrack.
WCKAC 04:00 – Wasn’t this originally a Broadway musical?
WCKAC 05:00 – So rah rah United States for the Korean War? That was an odd diversion.
WCKAC 07:45 – When does Sally Struthers show up?
WCKAC 08:00 – The real tragedy in this film… some of those European ladies in their bikinis.
WCKAC 08:20 – I’ve seen less back fat in a bacon factory…
WCKAC 09:00 – This week… on POLICE SQUAD.
WCKAC 09:30 – Is that even a real hearse? Or did he just borrow it from a milk man?
WCKAC 10:00 – Gay porno star backbacking in Spain. Whatever… it was the 70s.
WCKAC 10:45 – I think I’m giong to go buy a leisure suit. Bringing it back, baby!
WCKAC 11:20 – No, I”m not Scottish at all. Ignore my hideous red plaid luggae.
WCKAC 12:10 – Where’s Borat for the Running of the Jews?
WCKAC 13:10 – Gracias… Is that how you say “Thank you”? Yeah… and let me bring in Elmo to teach you how to count to ten.
WCKAC 13:45 – And that’s called a pinata. It’s a tutorial of “no shit” Spanish words.
WCKAC 14:00 – Was that Zac Efron holding the pinata
WCKAC – 15:00 – Principal Feeney from Saved by the Bell is the concierge!
WCKAC 15:45 – “I’m almost a doctor”??? That qualifies you to deliver your wife’s baby on a private island?
WCKAC 16:20 – Check out that lady’s yellow teeth. I’ve heard of teeth-whitening procedures on Twitter.
WCKAC 18:25 – Spain: Land of pasty, chunky white old ladies in bikinis.
WCKAC 19:30 – Did we miss a reel of film? Why was there an alarm and everyone running from the beach, then smash-cut to fireworks?
WCKAC 22:20 – Two separate twin beds in the hotel room. Are we in the 70s or the 50s?
WCKAC 24:50 – Why is the guy wearing the same leisure suit the next day? Oh wait, yeah, it was the 70s.
WCKAC 25:45 – “You must say buenos dias.” More “no shit” Spanish language lessons.
WCKAC 26;15 – “I wish I could bathe.” Honey, we all wish you could bathe.
WCKAC 26:40 – “The current often brings driftwood, things, dead bodies to the mainland.”
WCKAC 28:00 – This movie has inspired me to buy a Speedo for next summer… just to horrify people.
WCKAC 28:45 – I’m kinda wishing this kid would just scream, “Pancakes!” and start up with some awkward martial arts moves.
WCKAC 29:45 – This is a vacation spot? It looks like the place where Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid were gunned down.
WCKAC 31:20 – So you’re clearly pissed that you can’t steal ice cream. And the bar is empty too.
WCKAC 32:00 – Apparently it’s customary to just ransack ice cream carts and bars when you’re on vacation in Europe.
WCKAC 33:50 – Add breaking and entering to your vacation practices.
WCKAC 35:35 – PANCAKES!
WCKAC 36:20 – “I have a baby in here.” Oh really? I just though tyou were fat.
WCKAC 37:20 – Oh please don’t go. I was having so much fun with you awkwardly fondling my pregnant belly. That sort of thing is my bag, baby
WCKAC 39:45 – Clean up on aisle two!
WCKAC 40:15 – This guy’s now just making shit up about local customs.
WCKAC 40:45 – The brand of bread the guy just stole is called “Bimbo” bread.
WCKAC 42:20 – Let’s grab a table right by the toilet seat hanging on the wall.
WCKAC 43:00 – “Do you speak English?” Yeah, that’s what you yell into a random call in the middle of Spain.
WCKAC 46:10 – “I’m bathed in sweat. I think I even smell of it.” Well now I need to find a hotel room so we can have sex right away.
WCKAC 47:45 – Hey! That green jacket matches the shelves and flower pots downstairs!
WCKAC 50:00 – That girl run like a… well, like a girl.
WCKAC 50:20 – This is the 1970s Spanish version of bumfights
WCKAC 51:00 – Can’t the guy give medical attention to the beaten old man? After all, he said he was “almost” a doctor.
WCKAC 51:30 – This is not what I expected to find when I looked “behind the green door.”
WCKAC 53:50 – That would have been impressive if the old dude pinata would have been filled with candy.
WCKAC 55:30 – So this is basically CHILDREN OF THE CORN, hold the corn?
WCKAC 56:10 – You know, it’s at times like these that you should just… get the f*ck off the island!
WCKAC 57:00 – I’m just going to pretend I didn’t see these dead people and tell my wife they were just playing. Leave the island, dude!
WCKAC 58:10 – This guy is perfect for horror movies. He just wants to investigate. If there were two of him, he’d split up.
WCKAC 1:01:20 – Tom! Save me! George Lucas is coming to kill me with a broken bottle!
WCKAC 1:02:20 – Seriously, why are they sticking around? The boat they came in is still at the dock. It’s not like they need to get a cab.
WCKAC 1:04:50 – Personally, I’m not into killing children, but I could do it if they were attacking me and my wife. I’m just sayin’
WCKAC 1:06:10 – Why is he bothering to check the radio. Is he searching for a news report from the island’s ABC affiliate?
WCKAC 1:07:00 – It’s the Dutch operator. Looks like she’s biting the dust. Where can we find her, creepy 70s George Lucas?
WCKAC 1:07:30 – Brilliant. Leave your pregnant wife with creepy 70s George Lucas, who refuses to defend against murdering kids.
WCKAC 1:10:30 – Spain has a really f-ed up sex ed program, apparently.
WCKAC 1:13:20 – Creepy 70s George Lucas is such a sucker!
WCKAC 1:15:00 – *NOW* they decide to run away?
WCKAC 1:15:50 – Brilliant ADR of breathing heavy and panting.
WCKAC 1:16:30 – This is either a child death squad of the cast of YOU’RE A GOOD MAN, CHARLIE BROWN.
WCKAC 1:17:20 – Cue JAWS theme rip-off!
WCKAC 1:17:40 – The movie’s new title is WHO CAN OUTRUN A CHILD?
WCKAC 1:18:10 – “There’s a few houses on the other side of the island. We might be able to find a boat there.” What about the one U left?
WCKAC 1:19:25 – Oh, were you still talking? Making up more b.s. about local customs, dear?
WCKAC 1:22:00 – Old lady: “Ha ha!” child abuse if funny!
WCKAC 1:23:00 – In this scene, I keep expecting Michael Ironside to show up and make someone’s head explode.
WCKAC 1:26:50 – When games of Red Rover go bad!
WCKAC 1:27:40 – Wait a minute… who has a sub machine gun just lying around. I thought this was a fishing village.
WCKAC 1:29:45 – There are more guns on this island that living adults.
WCKAC 1:30:30 – Wow. Well, I guess we got an answer to the movie’s title.
WCKAC 1:35:10 – I just need this pillow and pack of cigarettes, and everything will be all better.
WCKAC 1:35:45 – Let’s take a nap rather than find the boat and leave the island. Nothing more could possibly happen now.
WCKAC 1:38:40 – Something tells me this isn’t going to end well.
WCKAC 1:40:40 – Uh… are you going to do anything to help, Mr. “I’m almost a doctor”?
WCKAC 1:45:20 – Moral of the story… ditch the pregnant wife. You can go much faster without her.
WCKAC 1:45:40 – Amazing. Look at all those boats. And you were just a couple blocks from them.
WCKAC 1:46:15 – This is like a giant whack-a-mole game.
WCKAC 1:46:25 – Hey look! The scissors from INSIDE!
WCKAC 1:48:00 – Hey man! You got red paint on all these kids.
WCKAC 1:49:10 – And Ricky Schroeder gets his revenge!
WCKAC 1:50:00 – And ROLL CREDITS as the kids begin their own lil’ apocalypse.
Final thoughts on WHO CAN KILL A CHILD? Fantastic concept, a bit of a slow starter, but creepy as hell in the 2nd half.
Big thanks to @AronDej for joining in on the live-tweet!
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