On October 26, Kevin live-tweeted the 1987 original thriller, The Stepfather to cleanse the awful taste in his mouth from the remake. Here’s a log, complete with time-code for your home-viewing pleasure.
October Horror Movie Day 26 is… “The Stepfather” (1987) Shout Factory just released for the first time on DVD. #kevincarr31horrormovies
STEPFATHER 00:15 – Starring LOST’s Terry O’Quinn. Already, I like him better than NIP/TUCK’s Dylan Walsh (and we’re not even past the cred)
STEPFATHER 01:30 – Like HALLOWEEN, movie opens with a lot of trees with leaves on ’em (Cali), but also fall leaves on the ground (not Cali)
STEPFATHER 02:15 – Terry O’Quinn butt shot… if anyone’s into that.
STEPFATHER 03:00 – And there’s the John Locke we all know and love… nothing says psycho like an argyle sweater vest.
STEPFATHER 04:10 – Wow. Holy butcher shop, Batman. I already like this movie way better than the remake. This is twisted.
STEPFATHER 05:00 – Best part about this opening already… he just walks away. Doesn’t drive. Just… walks… away.
STEPFATHER 07:00 – How sweet. A leaf fight… but where did all these leaves come from? The trees are all green.
STEPFATHER 08:50 – Just because you give your step-daughter a puppy doesn’t mean you can stroke her arm in a creepy way.
STEPFATHER 10:15 – Suspended five times from school = trouble in 1987.
STEPFATHER 11:30 – Girlfight! With finger paints! Is this kindergarten or high school?
STEPFATHER 13:40 – Stephanie got expelled… but they just sent her home to tell her parents. WTF?
STEPFATHER 14:30 – Scariest thing about this movie is, I had friends in high school whose stepfathers were like this guy.
STEPFATHER 16:30 – Wow. It is freaking dark outside that window. Gotta love studio shooting.
STEPFATHER 18:30 – Nothing like watching MISTER ED as foreplay. And they say there are no warning signs.
STEPFATHER 19:45 – The biggest contributor to teen stereo use: Your parents doing it in the other room.
STEPFATHER 22:10 – The reporter who covered the murders didn’t know the ruggedly handsome guy was the dead wife’s sister. Great journalism.
STEPFATHER 24:50 – Jerry is very disturbed by today’s installment of Ziggy.
STEPFATHER 25:50 – I’m twelve years old! Why are you making me a newspaper pirate hat?
STEPFATHER 26:20 – Ahhhhh… a deep freeze in a horror movie. This is like putting a gun on the wall in act one.
STEPFATHER 27:00 – It’s always awkward when you catch your stepfather in a psychotic rant in the basement.
STEPFATHER 29:00 – So Stephanie is a better researcher than the lame reporter a couple scenes back.
STEPFATHER 30:10 – Hey, was that Borat in the background?
STEPFATHER 30:30 – “My 3 o’clock patient is a schitzophrenic, so I charge him double.” Ha! Mental illness is funny!
STEPFATHER 31:55 – Any mailbox with a little house glued on it is just asking to be hit with a baseball bat by a punk driving by.
STEPFATHER 33:40 – Jerry could have avoided this whole mess by not getting his psychotic 8×10 glossy head-shot
STEPFATHER 37:00 – “What do you plan on doing about it?” Police: “We got nothing.” We’re really terrible police
STEPFATHER 37:30 – I love this movie. The police detective told the vic’s brother to just “get a gun and blow the sonofabitch away.” Awesome
STEPFATHER 38:20 – The psychologist’s excuse for Jerry’s odd behavior:”We all do that.” Really? We all have psychotic rants in our basement?
STEPFATHER 40:20 – And cut on that awkward after-school special moment.
STEPFATHER 41:15 – Is that a Rick Springfield poster on Stephanie’s wall? That girl has great taste… for 1987.
STEPFATHER 42:45 – “I’m in stress management.” Apparently he works at a non-therapeutic massage parlor.
STEPFATHER 44:30 – This movie includes a scene from FOX’s new reality show: “When Realtors Attack!”
STEPFATHER 45:00 – That was definitely an effective murder scene… but who wouldn’t want to beat a psychologist with a 2×4?
STEPFATHER 46:50-The real reason for the crack down on mortgage licensing in recent years… so realtors don’t kill people at an open house.
STEPFATHER 48:40 – Whistling “Camp Town Races” always calms me down after a murder.
STEPFATHER 49:50 – I think Jerry needs Cherry Jones from SCARY MOVIE 4 to use a hot dog to explain to Stephanie how her doctor died.
STEPFATHER 52:50 – The birdhouse is a symbol of Jerry’s stability in his family (powered by violence)… or it’s just a birdhouse.
STEPFATHER 55:30 – Jerry’s been with the family for a year, and he still doesn’t know if Stephanie likes white or dark meat? Really?
STEPFATHER 56:30 – Get on my sweet ride… and by sweet ride I mean my hog… and by hog I mean my pastel-colored scooter.
STEPFATHER 58:30 – Whoa! This movie swerved back into the after-school special about teen sex.
STEPFATHER 1:00:30 – I am a bit curious as to how many serial killers plot their crime spree based on an article in a travel magazine.
STEPFATHER 1:01:45 – Nerdy secrateries with glasses are puddy in the hands of the ruggedly handsome brother.
STEPFATHER 1:02:50 – Stephanie makes a creepy, unscheduled visit to her shrink’s office. I’m turning the movie off if she smells something.
STEPFATHER 1:03:40 – The most convenient blotter ever seen in movie history. Better than a Franklin planner.
STEPFATHER 1:05:50 – All these years, and I’ve been wondering where I could pick up some pink butcher paper for my open house.
STEPFATHER 1:08:00 – I keep expecting Jerry to yell, “I drive a Dodge Stratus! People are afraid of me!” during this uncomfortable dinner.
STEPFATHER 1:10:00 – Yeah. There’s no doubt about it… Terry O’Quinn is way creepier than the PG-13 Dylan Walsh.
STEPFATHER 12:30 – This family shows the darker side of 80s shoulderpads and Tim Kazurinsky.
STEPFATHER 1:14:30 – The “Who am I here?” line is so much more effective in this than the remake
STEPFATHER 1:16:30 – Always when you’re in a hurry, you get stopped at a crosswalk with nuns and little kids.
STEPFATHER 1:16:50 – Well hello… Stephanie gets a nude shower scene. Yet another reason why this movie is awesome.
STEPFATHER 1:18:20 – Ruggedly handsome brother apparently only has his ruggedly handsome looks to go on… not smarts or defensive skillz.
STEPFATHER 1:20:00 – A rare sight in 80s horror: a high school girl who actually fights back. Excellent.
STEPFATHER 1:22:00 – Stephanie should really observe Rule #2 here: Double Tap.
STEPFATHER 1:24:30 – That was a much better ending than the remake. Very visceral. Very ugly. Very awesome.
STEPFATHER 1:25:10 – Again, we are reminded that the birdhouse is a symbol of Jerry… or it’s just a birdhouse.
STEPFATHER 1:25:55 – And ROLL CREDITS! And cue the totally tubular 80s synth music.
After watching THE STEPFATHER from 1987, I had to find this old SNL clip… http://bit.ly/eoVrq #idriveadodgestratus!
Jill Schoelen (Stephanie from 1987’s THE STEPFATHER) was also in the 80s PHANTOM OF THE OPERA and POPCORN (buy a bag, go home in a box)
@FakeRobHunter on Schoelen’s shower scene: “it’s okay if you want to lick the screen in admiration of her firm behind and chest apples”
Read more of @FakeRobHunter’s analysis of THE STEPFATHER at http://bit.ly/2xXE9b (FSR’s 31 Days of Horror 2009)
Final thoughts on THE STEPFATHER… cheesy 80s music, but still a great thriller. T.O’Quinn rules! Watch this on DVD instead of the remake.
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