On October 5, Kevin live-tweeted the direct-to-DVD Warner Bros. release The Hills Run Red. Here’s a log, complete with time-code for your home-viewing pleasure.
THE HILLS RUN RED is starting. Hide the women and children!
THE HILLS RUN RED 00:45 – The flick starts with the singing of “Hush Little Baby” song. Not nearly as scary as the Freddy song.
THE HILLS RUN RED 01:30 -But the movie does start with a kid cutting his face off with scissors. Slightly more disturbing than mocking birds
THE HILLS RUN RED 02:30 – Had to pull the video to read the intro titles. Yeah, I’m that tired.
THE HILLS RUN RED 02:40 – So basically it’s about a filmmaker whose sadistic film from 1982 was never released & the director disappeared.
THE HILLS RUN RED 02:40 – So basically, it’s a movie about THE POUGHKIPSEE TAPES
THE HILLS RUN RED 04:00 – “I’m naked under this.” Isn’t that true about everything?. Isn’t the Queen of England naked under her robes too?
THE HILLS RUN RED 04:25 – “And the Lord said, Let there be celluloid.'” Really? He really said that? What’s the Bible verse for that one?
THE HILLS RUN RED 05:30 – “No movie just vanishes without a trace.” Ah, but they should… like Gigli, Showgirls, The Ass of Jesse James
THE HILLS RUN RED 06:30 – William Sadler plays the reclusive director. He’s a righteous dude. Met him on the set of Shawshank. Nice guy.
THE HILLS RUN RED 08:00 – A bevy of boob shots, and we’re not even 10 minutes in. @ThatStevenC did not steer me wrong on this one.
THE HILLS RUN RED 09:00 – I will give the director props. This is a very rare accurate depiction of a strip club…. er… or so I’ve heard
THE HILLS RUN RED 12:30 – Sorry for disappearing there for a minute. Got distracted by the lapdance scene.
THE HILLS RUN RED 13:30 – I wish I could go into a strip clubs, get a wicked-awesome lap dance, use her real name & get invited home.
THE HILLS RUN RED 14:45 – Wow. As if shooting heroin wasn’t bad enough. She didn’t even bother to find a vein. Just forced it into her elbow
THE HILLS RUN RED 15:30 – It’s good to see that Sophie Monk is getting some leading roles. By leading role, I mean role to get get nekked
THE HILLS RUN RED 17:30 – Awwwww… what a nice guy. He kidnapped the smack-shootin’ stripper and is forcing her to detox.
THE HILLS RUN RED 19:10 – “I had to grab her. She was strung out and f*cked up and far from home.” Stalkers have been saying that for years
THE HILLS RUN RED 21:00 – The hot chick just did her business in the woods. Proves that in every hot chick, there’s a couple pounds of poop.
THE HILLS RUN RED 22:30 – The stripper who just dried up from a smack habit is seeing things. Is that *really* scary, of expected?
THE HILLS RUN RED 23:30 – “It’s a one-time thing. It stays in Vegas” RE their boinking. I’ll try that, even if it didn’t happen in Vegas.
THE HILLS RUN RED 26: 30 0 “Them scary movies is really good for making out and shit. [sic]” – This is a scary movie. Who wants to make out?
THE HILLS RUN RED 27:35 – “That’s Nietzschean. What does not destroy me makes me stronger.” So you can learn philosophy from this film too.
THE HILLS RUN RED – Just wondering what indie filmmaker hasn’t made a horror movie in the woods? I know I have.
THE HILLS RUN RED 29:15 – Who brings a gun on a movie set? More importantly, who brings a gun to a horror movie?
THE HILLS RUN RED 31:20 – “Why is there a hook in it?” RE a rotting rib cage. Answer: because we need to get the F out of here!
THE HILLS RUN RED 33:15 – I think that was a flashback to the film within a film… so the movie was real kills? What about a second take?
THE HILLS RUN RED 34:15 – “His mother was raped by this feral mountain man. So his father cut off his face so he wouldn’t be reminded of it.”
THE HILLS RUN RED 35:20 – I’m just grateful this movie wasn’t shot first person, like DIARY OF THE DEAD and THE STARTLING
THE HILLS RUN RED 36:15 – For being in “the middle of nowhere,” that’s a really nice camping clearing with mowed grass & a fire circle.
THE HILLS RUN RED 38:00 – Doing it with the former heroin addict stripper/hooker + no AIDS testing clinic around = bad idea
THE HILLS RUN RED 39:15 – It took almost 40 minutes the “When Rednecks Attack” section of the movie.
THE HILLS RUN RED 35:50 – “Anybody who knows anything knows the real money’s in porn.” Wait! I’m in the wrong business!
THE HILLS RUN RED 40:30 – So is the slasher really a bad guy when he kill the rapin’ rednecks? This is a real moral quandry.
THE HILLS RUN RED 44:00 – If she had an iPhone, she could give her GPS coordinates to 911. This movie could be an ad for the iPhone.
THE HILLS RUN RED 45:45 – How lame do you have to be to get your hair caught on a tree in a horror movie. You might as well trip.
THE HILLS RUN RED 46:20 – Simple rule of life: 2 road flares vs. a handgun… the handgun will win every time.
THE HILLS RUN RED 48:40 – Whoa. The cell phone just had a voice mail screener. That’s not how it works.
THE HILLS RUN RED 49:10 – The implication is the psycho has film from the strip club lap dance room. Who uses film for that?. Way too much $
THE HILLS RUN RED 50:00 – More Sophie Monk boobies! Yay!
THE HILLS RUN RED 50:30 – Literally showed a video camera with the sound of a film camera shutter clicks.
THE HILLS RUN RED 54:40 – Not great writing for this movie, but some of the imagery is pretty creepy.
THE HILLS RUN RED 55:30 – Cinematography seems a bit too clean, like HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES. Flashback scenes are okay, though.
THE HILLS RUN RED 56:50 – They’re editing a video-shot movie on a steenbeck. Now they’re just making shit up.
THE HILLS RUN RED 57:15 – William Sanderson c. 1982 and his mustache looks like a gay porno star.
THE HILLS RUN RED “You didn’t know shit. And you didn’t suspect shit. Because I’m that good.” I hear that was to be Mickey Rourke’s Oscar speech
THE HILLS RUN RED 1:00:45 – “You’re filming it all!” That’s expensive to use film. Even Super8. This guy must be loaded.
THE HILLS RUN RED 1:05:55 – The reveal was too quick for this movie. I’m bored now, though I appreciate the director/actor inside angst.
THE HILLS RUN RED 1:07:40 – Someone got shot in the right side of the belly and instantly died. What vital organ did it hit? Who knows.
THE HILLS RUN RED 1:09:00 – “Stop! I’m your father!” Hey dude, that shit might work for Darth Vader, but not for you!
THE HILLS RUN RED 1:09:55 – “See you in the last reel.” Worst. Snappy line. Ever.
THE HILLS RUN RED 1:11:00 – Sing along! Let’s all go to the lobby. Let’s all go to the lobby. Let’s all go to the lobby to get ourselves a treat
THE HILLS RUN RED 1:13:20 – Guys’ tied to the chair with barbed wire, forced to watch the movie. Like being forced to watch an Uwe Boll film
THE HILLS RUN RED 1:15:00 – Meh. The film just tried to get introspective right before the end.
THE HILLS RUN RED 1:16:45 – A cheap grab for a sequel, then ROLL CREDITS!
The behind-the-scenes featurette on THE HILLS RUN RED is interesting, but the actors a re a bit too self-important.
In the behind-the-scenes of THE HILLS RUN RED, the script girl Shelly Stoyanova is a hot little Eurotrash girl. Yeah, I just went there.
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