On December 2, Kevin finished up his turkey leftovers by live-tweeting The Adventures of Pluto Nash. Here’s a log, complete with time-code for your home-viewing pleasure.
Turkey leftover #13 is “THE ADVENTURES OF PLUTO NASH,” a movie which was only released because of a guild strike. #kevincarrtweetsturkeys
PLUTO NASH 01:00 – Opening credits over a rap version of “Blue Moon.” Why?
PLUTO NASH 01:40 – Damn… there’s a lot of pretty big names in this movie. Blows my mind that no one figured it would suck.
PLUTO NASH 02:00 – Frank Capra III is a producer. Sins of the grandson, I guess.
PLUTO NASH 03:00 – Jay Mohr in a kilt, playing an acordion. Even worse than the rap version of “Blue Moon.”
PLUTO NASH 04:40 – “Am I supposed to piss in the kitchen?” This is some class-A dialogue.
PLUTO NASH 05:20 – Both WATERWORLD and this film begin with a scene in which the “hero” is peeing… coincidence?
PLUTO NASH 06:30 – It does seem that Eddie Murphy is trying to channel Axel Foley in space.
PLUTO NASH 07:25 – It’s a life-long dream of Pluto to have his own club. He should meet Gene Kelly and open a roller disco called Xanadu.
PLUTO NASH 08:45 – Seven years in the future now. Which means seven years in the future future. This is like a DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES episode.
PLUTO NASH 09:30 – I’m pretty sure these extras were right out of XANADU.
PLUTO NASH 10:20 – I guess the “karate chop” dance is the wave of the future.
PLUTO NASH 11:30 – Salt Lake City is a rough town in 2087. Yup, that’s the kind of jokes they throw down in this movie.
PLUTO NASH 12:05 – So everyone has a nick name in this movie. I guess it’s because Axel Nash spent time in the joint.
PLUTO NASH 14:00 – Oh balls! Randy Quaid as a bodyguard robot? This is their version of R2-D2 crossed with Chewbacca.
PLUTO NASH 14:50 – Wah Wah Wah Waaaaaah… Hilary Clinton on the money.
PLUTO NASH 16:00 – Oranges in a bowl on the table. Are they doing a GODFATHER thing? Something bad is going to happen… like the movie.
PLUTO NASH 17:35 – So the movie’s about Pluto trying to save his squeaky clean night club from being turned into a casino? WTF?
PLUTO NASH 18:15 – The direction to Randy Quaid was, “Walk like a Ken doll, please.”
PLUTO NASH 19:15 – I weep for Randy Quaid.
PLUTO NASH 19:50 – Andy Kaufman was a more convincing robot in HEARTBEEPS.
PLUTO NASH 20:15 – “You know how hard it is to get wood on the moon?” Was that meant to be a double meaning?
PLUTO NASH 21:00 – This movie has all the production value of a STAR WARS rip-off c. 1978, like BATTLE BEYOND THE STARS.
PLUTO NASH 24:10 – She called the robot a “toaster.” Could he really be a Cylon?
PLUTO NASH 26:00 – I am hopelessly bored with this movie right now. All this exposition with cloning talk is pretty hard to watch.
PLUTO NASH 28:40 – The pocket computer they just showed doesn’t even look as advanced as an iPhone.
PLUTO NASH 29:00 – And now we’re discussing Rosario Dawson’s ass. It’d be fine if we had a visual aid to go with it.
PLUTO NASH 30:50 – This movie is like a series of bad SNL sketches with an awful plot to string things together.
PLUTO NASH 32:55 – Jesus! Again with Rosario Dawson’s ass!
PLUTO NASH 33:10 – Pam Grier as Pluto’s mother. Even Jackie Browne can’t save this movie.
PLUTO NASH 34:30 – The set design looks like a larger version of Chuck E Cheese’s sky toobs.
PLUTO NASH 35:25 – An electric organ in the soundtrack? That doesn’t even make sense.
PLUTO NASH 38:20 – John Cleese??? Nooooooooooooo!
PLUTO NASH 39:25 – Was that “Trump Realty” sign supposed to be a joke or some bad business decision product placement?
PLUTO NASH 40:55 – So Pluto Nash has put Rosario Dawson to sleep. Funny… PLUTO NASH is putting me to sleep too.
PLUTO NASH 42:50 – So the soundtrack just uses any song with “moon” in the lyrics, even if they don’t make sense to the story
PLUTO NASH 46:00 – Alec Baldwin too? This cast is like a crappy animated film… loaded with names, all sucking wind.
PLUTO NASH 47:15 – Trying to concentrate on this plot is like trying to take a driver’s test with a BAC of 0.24
PLUTO NASH 48:45 – A happiness chip? Again, is this supposed to be a joke. It doesn’t even register as a joke.
PLUTO NASH 50:00 – So when are the “adventures” going to start in THE ADVENTURES OF PLUTO NASH?
PLUTO NASH 51:00 – Why do all the bad guys in their space suits look like they’ve just filled their diapers?
PLUTO NASH 53:15 – Science geek alert… The moon has only 1/6 gravity… not zero-Gs.
PLUTO NASH 55:25 – Stay on target!
PLUTO NASH 56:55 – “Die die, Pluto Nash.” My sentiments, exactly. If only.
PLUTO NASH 58:10 – There is really nothing in this movie that couldn’t be fixed with explosive decompression in the vacuum of space.
PLUTO NASH 1:00:20 – Will the main characters suffocate and die? We can only hope so.
PLUTO NASH 1:01:40 – It’s good to know that racial stereotypes are alive and well in 2087.
PLUTO NASH 1:03:00 – Who was it that decided that Luis Guzman recounting robot sex makes a funny scene? BOOGIE NIGHTS this isn’t.
PLUTO NASH 1:03:50 – Seriously? We have a battery connection on Randy Quaid’s junk?
PLUTO NASH 1:06:15 – I just got a snack. Did I miss anything? No. Missed nothing at all.
PLUTO NASH 1:07:45 – Randy Quaid’s hair looks like an Andy Warhol reject.
PLUTO NASH 1:08:50 – Luis Guzman has pretty low standards for his casino barflies.
PLUTO NASH 1:10:10 – And we come full circle with Jay Mohr’s character. Full circle, like spinning down the toilet drain.
PLUTO NASH 1:10:55 – Whoa! That’s a lotta ass for a thong that size.
PLUTO NASH 1:11:20 – I’m pretty sure I just saw Jay John’s reverse camel toe.
PLUTO NASH 1:12:15 – Watching Eddie Murphy kissing Rosario Dawson is like watching him drink from a juice box.
PLUTO NASH 1;13:30 – They don’t seem to realize that cloning someone doesn’t make the same personality.
PLUTO NASH 1:14:15 – “I know a way to get you in that penthouse.” Of course, it will involve lots of lubricant.
PLUTO NASH 1:15:40 – This jumping over the shaft scene reminds me of POSEIDON. Not in a good way.
PLUTO NASH 1:16:40 – Holy crap. Is that guy eating a moon pie? Seriously? Are the producers part of the Moonie cult too?
PLUTO NASH 1:17:40 – Randy Quaid’s wig is as effective of a disguise as Clark Kent’s glasses.
PLUTO NASH 1:18:30 – Poop nuggets! It isn’t an Eddie Murphy movie if he doesn’t play more than one character.
PLUTO NASH 1:19:20 – What was it about movies released in 2002 and clones. It’s like transforming robots in 2009.
PLUTO NASH 1:20:10 – One of the bad guys is named Mr. Kelp? Are we in an episode of SpongeBob SquarePants?
PLUTO NASH 1:20:50 – How many times are they going to do a reveal of two Eddie Murphys?
PLUTO NASH 1:22:00 – This movie is all about taking over a night club??? WTF? Who cares!?
PLUTO NASH 1:22:50 – For a movie that was a huge gamble and a failure, this movie has a really strong anti-gambling bent to it.
PLUTO NASH 1:24:50 – That is a pretty neat desk. I want one of those in my house.
PLUTO NASH 1:26:45 – Are we supposed to be happy that Club Pluto can continue with Rosario singing and people doing the karate dance?
PLUTO NASH 1:28:20 – Nothing like a robot condom joke to end this movie. 110 volts to 220. Lame.
PLUTO NASH 1:29:35 – And ROLL CREDITS!
Final thoughts on THE ADVENTURES OF PLUTO NASH… The movie did its part to prepare Eddie Murphy for MEET DAVE.
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