On October 23, Kevin live-tweeted the 2008 French extreme horror flick, Martyrs. Here’s a log, complete with time-code for your home-viewing pleasure.
A big thanks to @simonmiraudo and @antho42 for recommending the film. (And a big thanks to @FakeRobHunter for throwing down his support.)
October Horror Movie Day 23 is… “Martyrs.” @FakeRobHunter assures me this movie will brighten my day. #kevincarr31horrormovies
In the director’s introduction to MARTYRS, he thanks me for watching it and tells me that it might not have been a good decision. Nice.
MARTYRS 01:00 – Normally, I’d like a movie that began with someone running in their underwear, but I don’t think this is that kind of movie.
MARTYRS 04:50 – A dude with a scar questioning the girl. He must be a bad guy, right?
MARTYRS 06:45 – This is easily the creepiest orphanage ever built. Why take a trauma victim here?
MARTYRS 07:50 – Well, that’s not going to help any kid with the thoughts of what’s under the bed.
MARTYRS 08:55 – Oh, pretend sibling rape is funny!
MARTYRS 09:40 – Sending the wife out to fix the septic tank. Who wears the pants in this family?
MARTYRS 10:25 – This family is pretty cavalier about finding a dead mouse in the water main. They’re still eating after finding it. Yum.
MARTYRS 11:15 – An extra $8000 for tutoring? How dumb is this kid?
MARTYRS 12:00 – This is why you look through the peephole first.
MARTYRS 15:15 – She just littered. That’s just wrong.
MARTYRS 17:10 – For efficiency, she really should have chosen a pump action rather than a break action shotgun.
MARTYRS 15:10 – Gollum has seen better days.
MARTYRS 21:15 – At this point in the film, I have no faith in the French social services division.
MARTYRS 23:30 – So at what point did the other girl realize this might have been a bad idea?
MARTYRS 26:20 – “Is this making you sick?” That was the no-duh question of the movie.
MARTYRS 27:25 – Er, sorry. Making out over dead bodies isn’t exactly a turn on.
MARTYRS 30:30 – That’s very responsible of Anna to want to clean up.
MARTYRS 32:20 – Normally, I’m totally into girl fights, but this is f-ed up.
MARTYRS 34:10 – Mmmmmm… pea soup.
MARTYRS 38:30 – You’ve gotta hand it to Lucie. She’s nothing if not tenacious.
MARTYRS 39:20 – Now what did that lamp ever do to you? #ilovelamp
MARTYRS 39:50 – “You think I’m insane too. Just like the doctors.” This is generally not what you want to hear from your crazy friend.
MARTYRS 41:20 – Does anyone else think the apparition kinda looks like Calista Flockhart?
MARTYRS 42:30 – What’s really scary about this movie is that I know someone who reminds me of Lucie.
MARTYRS 42:50 – What’s also really scary about this movie is you know someone in Hollywood prob wants to remake it with Megan Fox.
MARTYRS 47:30 – In retrospect, this is probably one time that the buddy system was a failure.
MARTYRS 48:20 – These are creepy pictures to hang in your house. “Who’s your decorator? Can I have his number?”
MARTYRS 49:20 – A hatch. Suddenly we’re on an episode of LOST.
MARTYRS 50:20 – Well, at least they gave her a bucket. That was very thoughtful.
MARTYRS 52:00 – I should have known something was off with the family after they didn’t blink from finding a mouse in their water system.
MARTYRS 54:45 – Anna fancies herself a MacGyver doctor. A call to 911 might be in order.
MARTYRS 56:50 – Doesn’t Anna know that she shouldn’t leave torture victims alone in the bathtub?
MARTYRS 57:45 – Wow. Didn’t see that comiong.
MARTYRS 1:00:00 – Mass grave right next to the water pipe. Convenient, yes. Sanitary, no.
MARTYRS 1:01:15 – This old broad is all sorts of creepy.
MARTYRS 1:01:35 – The old broad just said she’s impressed by Lucie’s tenacity. That’s exactly what I said.
MARTYRS 1:06:00 – About now, Anna’s thinking she probably shouldn’t have insisted on cleaning up.
MARTYRS 1:08:50 – More pea soup. yum.
MARTYRS 1:12:35 – I wonder what the interview process is to get a job at this place.
MARTYRS 1:14:00 – This is a home-based business that keeps the pea soup industry afloat in France.
MARTYRS 1:15:30 – Wait a minute… those shackles don’t even have keys. Can’t she just open the latch herself?
MARTYRS 1:16:30 – Watching this movie just makes me realize how lame the captivity scenes in V FOR VENDETTA were.
MARTYRS 1:21:35 – It’s good to see that Henry Rollins look-alikes can get work in France.
MARTYRS 1:24:50 – I don’ think that guy’s a real doctor.
MARTYRS 1:25:30 – This movie asks the burning question… how necessary is skin, anyway?
MARTYRS 1:29:00 – Did we just time warp into the ending of KNOWING?
MARTYRS 1:32:50 – It’s a little hypocritical for all these old folks being happy about martyrs that can only happen with young girls.
MARTYRS 1:36:00 – And ROLL CREDITS!
Final thoughts on MARTYRS: Not nearly as disturbing as I was led to believe but definitely out there. Great twisting plot and cool themes.
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