On January 9, Kevin joined a bunch of friends on Twitter to live-tweet the worst bad movie of all time, Troll 2. Here’s a log of his tweets, complete with time-code for your home-viewing pleasure.
For a complete list of all tweets, search #troll2tweet on Twitter.
#troll2tweet 00:40 – “Haughty creatures.” And by “haughty,” they mean “badly dressed with silly masks.”
#troll2tweet 01:25 – This is presented by “Filmirage.” Ever hear of them? Me neither.
#troll2tweet 02:00 – Music brought to you by… a middle school kid with a Casio keyboard.
@ThatStevenC I’m pretty sure it has nothing to do with the first one. 🙂
#troll2tweet 03:00 – Are those freckles, or did someone sneeze on her face while eating choclate pudding?
#troll2tweet 04:20 – What the hell kind of bedtime story is this?
#troll2tweet 05:00 – Apparently Grandpa Seth doesn’t exist… just like years ago when he would molest the kid, apparently.
#troll2tweet 05:50 – I had that Joker poster in my room too, when I was a kid. No joke.
#troll2tweet 07:00 – That’s Nilbog. Spell it. N-I-L-B-O-G. That’s “goblin” spelled backwards, right?
@MrDeath Grandpa Seth told me never to tell anyone he was in my room.
#troll2tweet 09:30 – Whew. That’s 893 bench presses. That’ll make my sweaty boobs get bigger, right?
#troll2tweet 10:15 – Apparently this movie claims that destroying your testicles makes you a homosexual. I don’t think that’s right.
#troll2tweet 12:45 – The mom likes “Row row row your boat” sooooo much?
#troll2tweet 14:00 – Welcome to the honky-tonk musical highway.
#troll2tweet 15:35 – Wait… the mother just happens to have a hamburger? WTF?
#troll2tweet 17:30 – Look closely at the Nilbog street sign… it says 125 N St. There’s 125 streets in this town?
#troll2tweet 19:15 – Nilbog: the town of ill-fitting clothes.
#troll2tweet 21:00 – Was that a POV shot of the food?
#troll2tweet 21:55 – I personally never think twice about putting blue butter on my corn.
#troll2tweet 23:00 – So he peed on the food. Nice. What about the food that was already almost in their mouths. Think about it.
#troll2tweet 24:33 – Okay, the exploding monkey egg movie the guys are watching in the RV looks like a worse movie.
#troll2tweet 25:20 – Hey! There’s a girl! She looks hurt, but I’m sure she wants to have sex.
#troll2tweet 26:45 – Wow. That yellow-eye mask looks bad even for this movie.
#troll2tweet 28:15 – Erm… hiding in the house should involve closing the door after you go inside.
#troll2tweet 28:50 – “This is myyyyyy house.” I don’t even know what to say about that.
#troll2tweet 32:00 – This movie is a must-see for anyone with a sploshing fetish.
#troll2tweet 32:50 – Why do the goblins wear rags when this crazy druid lady wears such faaabulous clothes? That doesn’t seem fair.
#troll2tweet 33:35 – I ma totally sexually confused with the Jr. Birdman Garfield night-shirt pop dance moves.
#troll2tweet 35:15 – Dude… button up them PJs. This ain’t the 70s.
@ThatStevenC That shot was featured in Conan O’Brien’s Oprah movie club segment when he recommended this movie. #troll2tweet
#troll2tweet 37:35 – What the hell happened last night in the RV? I’m just saying?
#troll2tweet 38:35 – That hair makes the mom look like a hammerhead shark.
#troll2tweet 40:15 – Oh delish! A sandwich with bright green goo in it. Let me eat that right up.
#troll2tweet 41:30 – All this milk in Nilbog goes directly against the folklore set down in ERNEST SCARED STUPID.
#troll2tweet 45:30 – Big plot point here, folks… shades of REDRUM in the mirror.
#troll2tweet 46:30 – ‘Cause nothing says refreshment like rancid goblin milk on a hot walk hom.
#troll2tweet 49:15 – Looks like the kid stumbled into an Amway meeting.
@ThatStevenC That’s why they call them goblins. Because a town called Llort would just be silly. #troll2tweet
#troll2tweet 50:35 – “smelly bladders” “clusters of hemmeroids”? Clearly penned by Kurtzman and Orci.
#troll2tweet 53:00 – You’d think that if the goblins wanted to lure people in, they wouldn’t call their town “Goblin” spelled backwards.
#troll2tweet 54:35 – True story… this friend of the boyfriend sent his head shot into a short film I worked on. He didn’t get the part.
#troll2tweet 55:45 – For the record, my kids are TOTALLY into this movie right now.
#troll2tweet 57:30 – This movie is just like DISTRICT 9, but instead of prawns, they turn into plants.
#troll2tweet 1:01:00 – I thought there were only like 28 people who lived in the town.
#troll2tweet 1:01:30 – I don’t think Joshua has enough pee in his bladder to take care of all this food.
#troll2tweet 1:03:55 – It’s a good thing her hand grew back with her fingernail polish intact.
#troll2tweet 1:05:25 – Does Grandpa Seth realize that his family is in the building they want to set on fire?
#troll2tweet 1:07:00 – This kid better hope to hell these are goblins because he just set the freaking preacher on fire.
#troll2tweet 1:08:30 – This movie was on the bleeding edge of the mullet craze of the 1990s.
#troll2tweet 1:10:30 – Man, they’re really pushing the green goo sandwiches.
#troll2tweet 1:11:40 – I really wish I got the Nilbog channel on my cable system. You hear that, AT&T!
#troll2tweet 1:12:45 – So this kid’s watching caveman porn alone in the RV, drinking Mtn Dew? He rocks out like that, I guess.
#troll2tweet 1:15:30 – I am as confused by the popcorn sex as I am with the Garfield sleep shirt dance number.
#troll2tweet 1:16:50 – No costly digital effects for lightning here. We have cardboard cut-outs.
#troll2tweet 1:17:50 – Destroy the magic stone that gives the goblins their power? Now you’re just making shit up as you go along.
#troll2tweet 1:21:30 – These are the DELIVERENCE goblims… ‘cause they queal like pigs.
#troll2tweet 1:24:10 – I think the popcorn is a symbol of cultural relativism in a pluralistic society.
#troll2tweet 1:26:10 – Where’s a can of MIAK when you really need it?
#troll2tweet 1:27:10 – So this entire movie was a giant message film about vegetarianism??? WTF?
#troll2tweet 1:27:45 – “Only the power of goodness can destroy these monsters!” That and a double-decker bologna sandwich.
#troll2tweet 1:32:55 – “They’re eating my mom.” The dirties thing said in the movie.
#troll2tweet 1:33:45 – And ROLL CREDITS!
Final thoughts on TROLL 2. My 2nd time seeing it, and it was freaking hysterical. Soooooo goofy and sooooo fun. #troll2tweet
@bestworstmovie Some tweeps and I just watched TROLL 2 and live-tweeted it. Check out the feed at #troll2tweet. Fun times.
Follow Kevin on…