On November 30, Kevin was joined by @AronDej to live-tweet the damp post-apocalyptic action flick Waterworld. Here’s a log, complete with time-code for your home-viewing pleasure.

     

Turkey leftover #11 is… “WATERWORLD,” Kevin Costner’s wet dream. #kevincarrtweetsturkeys #waterworldtweet

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 00:35 – Uh oh… melting ice caps. This can’t be good.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 01:00 – Isn’t that narrator the guy who says, “In a world…”?

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 1:00 – Interesting opening that I don’t seem to remember.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 01:40 – Is the first scene of the movie being Kevin Costner taking a piss symbolic of anything? Pretty much.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 02:15 – Okay, this is the science guy in me, but if he can distill urine with a few cranks, why can’t he distill ocean h2o?

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 04:00 – This is a pretty doggone dramatic soundtrack for a guy picking limes off a tree.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 05:00 – I’m rather disturbed by the extraordinary number of ass shots of Costner already.

AronDej: @kevincarr I haven’t even noticed for some reason. #waterworldtweet

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 06:25 – “Two drifters meet; something must be exchanged.” Erm… is he asking for what I think he’s asking for?

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 8:00 – I want to go swimming.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 08:20 – This chase scene has an ET feel to it… maybe it’s the music.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 08:45 – What exactly is the range of these jet skis?

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 09:30 – You sunk my battleship! And by battleship, I mean piece of shit floating trash!

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 9:30 – Did the people made this even care about the fact that its painfully obvious these scenes were shot separately?

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 10:30 – He’s got dirt! Breakfast of champions!

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 11:20 – Amazing production value. $175 million to make everything look busted and rusted.

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 12:45 – Ew. Creepy Aryan child with dreadlocks.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 13:30 – “Smokers”? “Slavers”? Is this written by Joss Whedon?

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 15:30 – Creepy Aryan dad, I presume…

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 15:50 – I noticed this when I saw the movie in the theaters… the girl’s name is Enola, and this movie is a bomb.

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 17:30 – That’s really creepy.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 17:50 – Okay, if their gene pool is so overbred, why are there still different races? Again… my science geek coming out.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 18:30 – He’s a mutant! I just want to scream it here in my living room! He’s a mutant! (Why do we care?)

AronDej: #waterworldtweet – 19:30 – You are aware its your fault that he had to kill somebody, right? Christ these people are stupid.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 20:00 – Seriously, they can generate electricity for the whole atoll, but that can’t harness the power to distill water?

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 21:10 – Mike Jeter (RIP) in a creepy “i’m not molesting you” moment.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 22:15 – So this map on the girl’s back point “up” on a sphere. That’s not a map. It’s like saying “go north”

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 22:30 – Christ. This movie has too much exposition when we don’t need it, and not enough when we do.

Siblings_at_Law: #waterworldtweet When I saw WATERWORLD in the theater, I kept on feeling this urge to go to the restroom. Don’t know why.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 24:40 – The need to recycle or not, I wouldn’t be keen on living around a giant pool of poop.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 25:30 – Again, more symbolism… Costner is being lowered into a giant vat of poop… just like his career.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 26:20 – I’m sorry, but I just refuse to believe that centuries after the ice caps melt that there’d be enough gasoline.

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 26:30 – so basically this movie is kind of like Mad Max in a Pool.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 27:30 – I’m willing to bet that no one in this movie is wearing clean underwear.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 28:00 – And the big guns kill everyone. The end. (If only)

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 30:10 – And back to the poop pit. Kevin Costner’s going to get an infection.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 30:40 – Who are we rooting for again, @AronDej?

AronDej: #waterworldtweet – I’m having a really hard time live tweeting this. Its honestly not a terrible movie, its just boring and bloated.

Siblings_at_Law: #waterworldtweet This movie stole the thunder from a screenplay idea I was working on at the time: DRYWORLD.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 31:20 – This is just like the ending of The Wizard of Oz…. only this is the beginning of the movie, and it sucks.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 32:20 – Dear Kevin Reynolds: It’s not good form to keep your hero locked in a cage during an action sequence.

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 33:33 – Could this score be more generic?

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 33:40 – That kid’s getting passed around more times than Lindsay Lohan at an after-Oscars party.

kevincarr: @AronDej You know what would make this movie better? A 1940s big-band musical number with Gene Kelly and Olive Newton-John #waterworldtweet

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 35:25 – Wow… that was one unstable jet ski.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 35:50 – Why are Costner’s toes only webbed in one shot of the film. They look normal all other times.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 37:20 – Ahhhh…. Dennis Hopper just isn’t the same when he’s not so stoned he has to wear a diaper.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 38:35 – For a movie warning us of the dangers of global warming, they sure blow up a ton of sh*t with gallons of gasoline.

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 39:00 – What I will never understand is why they didn’t make Waterworld into an actual water park. It would be fun.

kevincarr: @AronDej LOL… Shamu could come in and save the day. #waterworldtweet

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 39:45 – “I need to know about that tattooed girl.” I’m pretty sure that’s not the first time Dennis Hopper has said that.

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 40:00 – I cant decide if Dennis Hopper is awesome or horrible in this movie.

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 41:00 – A pun like that belongs in Batman and Robin.

kevincarr: @Siblings_at_Law Hey, there has to be a market for webbed-foot fetish porn. #waterworldtweet

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 41:50 – “The kid, we’ve gotta pitch over the side.” Our hero, ladies and gentlemen. Our hero.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 43:00 – So this entire movie is pretty much Kevin Costner refusing to have sex.

Siblings_at_Law: @kevincarr He is one of those anti-heroes I hear about from time to time. #waterworldtweet

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 43:40 – Whoa… Jeanne Tripplehorn ass shot. I forgot about that one.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 46:15 – So, why do they call it “Dryland”? Shouldn’t they just call it “Land”?

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 46:40 – Holy ridiculously large cod piece, batman!

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 46:50 – You can always trust Tobey.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 47:30 – Peter Gunn??? Really? That’s Dennis Hopper’s badass theme?

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 50:20 – For those who don’t know it…. the girl who plays Enola is the girl from NAPOLEON DYNAMITE.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 52:15 – She can’t swim? She lives on freaking Waterworld! That’s like saying you can’t walk on Dryland.

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 53:00 – You’d think a child growing up in Waterworld would know how to swim.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 53:40 – Another plane? I know the smokers live on an oil barge, but where are they distilling the fuel?

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 55:15 – You’d think that Costner would have better defenses being a drifter and all.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 55:40 – This scene depicts what really happened to Amelia Earhart at the end of AMELIA.

AronDej: @kevincarr Maybe they’ve figured out a way to use piss as fuel. #waterworldtweet

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 58:00 – What’s with this mexican gangbanger accent Costner’s been sporting at random points throughout the movie?

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 58:00 – Boo-yah. That girl’s got moxie!

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 58:40 – A truly great man.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 58:55 – This movie is like GIGLI in that GIGLI took place in an apartment. This movie takes place on a boat.

AronDej: #waterworldtweet – 1:00:05 – Jesus! That bitch can scream!

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:00:20 – Hey look! It’s Kim Coates from SONS OF ANARCHY

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:01:10 – Why does this guy have an Irish accent? Hundreds of years in the future?

AronDej: #waterworldtweet – 1:01:20 – That’s what she said!

AronDej: #waterworldtweet – 1:02:30 – This guy seems very familiar…

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:02:40 – I can see how paper is rare… but what would you use it for?

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:03:40 – Okay… let me get this straight… throwing a child overboard is OK. But having sex with her, no f-ing way?

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:07:00 – Well, there’s meat for dinner.

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 1:09:25 – There was a perfectly fine dead body there to eat.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:11:25 – Seems like a bit of a waste to kill a whale-sized sea monster and only take a little bit. Bastards.

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 1:12:10 – Damn. Jeane Tripplehorn has a huge neck.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:12:15 – Wow. This dialogue scene is terrible. Is it trying to add depth to character?

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:13:10 – Cue inappropriate touching and attention from Costner.

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 1:13:45 – Nice score. Creepy moment. On another note, I still want to go swimming.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:14:30 – Man… pedophiles must have loved this scene.

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 1:14:52 – Ok. This is getting too weird.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:16:10 – It’s a trick! It’s a trap!

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 1:16:22 – And I thought the last scene was extremely creepy!

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 1:18:11 – Some of this hair is criminally large. I really hope this is not the type of hair that populates the future.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:18:15 – I zoned out. What’s happening? Oh yeah… another chase sequence on water.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:20:45 – I’m waiting for someone to yell, “You can’t handle the truth!”

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:21:45 – Why don’t these massive sea monsters ever appear when they go in the water the other 100 times?

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 1:22:21 – Look! Its Kevin Costner’s career! Just sinking lower and lower….

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:22:30 – Again, the science guy in me is just waiting for JT’s head to crush under the water pressure.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:23:20 – I think this is supposed to be Denver under water… which is pretty much impossible w/o some continental shift.

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 1:23:40 – Ok, this sequence is pretty cool.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:25:20 – She would pretty much suffocate by now… if only.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:26:30 – Where did all the cigarettes come from… after centuries on water?

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:27:30 – You know what this scene needs? JT offering someone sex, and then having them refuse.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:28:30 – Oh no! They just killed Yahoo Serious!

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 1:28:59 – THAT MAKES NO SENSE!!

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:29:25 – and they’re eaten by a giant sea monster. The end… if only.

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 1:30:19 – Dennis Hopper, stop it. This isn’t right.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:31:25 – Why does everyone assume Enola knows what’s on her back… It’s on her back, after all.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:33:35 – We’re gonna die here. Might as well have sex so you can have guppies in nine months.

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 1:33:50 – A sex scene? on a downed flaming plane in the middle of waterworld? Really?

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:35:00 – I know National Geographic is a solid magazine, but it wouldn’t survive centuries of water damage.

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 1:35:00 – How the hell does an issue of National Geographic survive underwater for hundreds, and/or thousands of years?

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:36:00 – It’s convenience theater, starring Michael Jeter.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:37:25 – Erm… that is a map of Nevada… why is it important to you/

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:38:15 – Blasphemy? Since when did religion play into the story?

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 1:39:10-ish – OH MY GOD NO. THAT IS NOT RIGHT!!

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:40:00 – Holy rusted metal, Batman! (those who have seen BATMAN FOREVER will get this)

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:40:55 – The most convenient bullet holes in the history of time.

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 1:41:55 – SMEAT? Really? LMAO.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:41:55 – There is not enough Spam in the post-apocalyptic world to feed these people for centuries.

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 1:44:12 – No. We all haven’t. Freak.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:44:15 – These bad guys have fantastic teeth for the apocalypse. They must have a great dental plan.

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 1:45:00 – Cum? No… dry land.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:45:45 – “He’s fast and strong like a big wind.” Like a big broken wind, that is.

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 1:46:00 – This little blabbermouth really does need to STFU.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:47:20 – “The path”? That’s just a doodle that says, “go to the top of the big round thing you’re floating on.”

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 1:47:50 – Let the wild rumpus start!

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:48:15 – Looks like the Crimson Permanent Assurance is ready to set sail.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:49:55 – “He’s like a turd that won’t flush.” Like this movie (and why do they know what flushing is?)

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:51:50 – Note to Kevin Reynolds… Crude oil does not explode like gasoline on a Michael Bay set.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:52:30 – The cinematographer totally stole some shots from DEEP RISING. Not that anyone noticed.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:55:00 – Yeah, that worked. Because we all know that planes can’t fly without their landing gear.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:56:15 – Wow. This blue-screen work is almost as awesome as that done in the Roger Moore JAMES BOND films.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:57:00 – Oh, they were on the Exxon Valdez. Really? That’s just stupid.

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 1:57:05 – Its like the Antithesis to Titanic.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:57:45 – Yes, if you whip a jet ski, it goes faster. Let’s not mention that they don’t even know what horses are.

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 1:58:05 – I don’t think anything that just happened during the past 20 seconds was physically possible.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 1:58:55 – “That way” is the direction they got from Enola’s back? 150 days later…

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 1:59:00 – Why is there still 16 minutes left to Kevin’s Gate… I mean, Waterworld…

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 2:00:40 – So this movie should be called ALMOST WATERWORLD

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 2:01:40 – So they traveled south from Denver to get to Hawaii, which was populated by Chinese Indians?

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 2:02:00 – Enola sure does have great respect for the dead, doesn’t she?

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 2:02:50 – This movie makes a perfect bridge to Costner’s DANCES WITH WOLVES.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 2:04:00 – This final scene with Enola and the Mariner is touching. And by “touching” I mean “boring.”

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 2:05:30 – And he’s still saying good-bye? Leave, already!

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 2:06:00 – This guy sure does have a lot of nerve. What a prick.

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 2:06:15 – With all the people in all the gin joints on the sea, I find it hard to believe no one has stumbled up this place

kevincarr: #waterworldtweet 2:06:45 – And ROLL CREDITS!

AronDej: #waterworldtweet 2:07:00 – Unlike Gigli, this movie did not take forever to end. It just had a stupid ending.

kevincarr: Final thoughts on WATERWORLD… Movie looks fantastic (good Blu-ray transfer), but the story & characters are awful. #waterworldtweet

Thanks to @AronDej for joining in on a late-night live-tweet.

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Tags: Enola, Jeanne Tripplehorn, Kevin Costner, Kevin Reynolds, Live-Tweet, Waterworld