The ‘Teen Witch’ Live-Tweet
On November 20, Kevin was joined by @AronDej to live-tweet the 80s Teen Wolf knock-off, Teen Witch. Here’s a log, complete with time-code for your home-viewing pleasure.
kevincarr: Turkey #7 is… “Teen Witch.” I’m curious to find out why @AronDej recommended this one. #kevincarrtweetsturkeys
kevincarr: Getting ready to live-tweet the 1989 teen comedy TEEN WITCH with @AronDej. Pressing PLAY at 1:45 a.m ET/10:45 p.m. PT… #teenwitchtweet
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet – OPENING CREDITS – You can aready tell its the 80s.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 00:30 – Ah, the smooth jazz that is TEEN WITCH.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 00:50 – Did we start watching a Jordasche jeans ad instead of TEEN WITCH?
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 01:45 – Cheesy music. Neon lights. But at least the hot chick is actually hot.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 03:15 – What the frak does this crappy music video on the opening credits have to do with teens or witches?
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 03:50 – Directed by Dorian Walker, who went on to direct… nothing else of significance.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 04:30 – Is that her brother or her sister?
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 05:00 – Shit, she got dressed fast.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 05:15 – Dick Sergeant in a witch movie. Now that is clever. Would have been cleverer with Dick York in the 80s movie.
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 6:00- Was it all a dream? Yes. Is there an annoying little bro? Yes. Is there a dated score? Yes. Its a 80s teen film.
AronDej: #TeenWitchTweet 6:25-ish – Wow. Just wow. That’s not random and white at all.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 06:30 Seriously? We’ve got high school rappers singing in the halls? And you guessed it… they’re all white.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 07:30 – That is some big-ass hair.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 07:55 – There’s not enough wool in the world for Louise and her friend’s coats.
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 08:20 – Because all english teachers in the 80s were british,
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 08:45 – Nice set. Seriously, you can see into the rafters.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 09:00 – “This one is sticky, but fascinating.” Sadly, it’s not as exciting as it sounds.
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 09:05 – Great work ethic.
kevincarr: @AronDej Well, they were “English” teachers. #teenwitchtweet
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 10:05 – What every teenage girl should be singing, right?
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 10:15 – A honky-tonk hip-hop cheerleader song “I Like Boys” in the girls locker room. Would be better if they were nekked.
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 11:00 – Seriously? Dancing on top of the lockers?
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 12:10 – What, the lesbian gym teacher interrupts? Shouldn’t she be having a field day?
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 12:15 – And enter androgynous lesbian gym teacher to kill the musical number.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 12:50 – Apparently the sweaty quarterback throws balls better with his shirt off. Natch.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 14:00 – Great. I still have the song, “I Like Boys” running through my head. Kill me now.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 14:45 – Bad actors acting like bad actors is one of the worst things I could imagine watching right now.
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 15:50 – You missed!
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 15:55 – Moral to this movie… Driving and making out is more dangerous than drinking and driving
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 16:35 – How many times is the slutty popular girl going to change her clothes in the course of a day.
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 16:35 – Its ok stereotypical blond bitch, you don’t need tact concerned, even though its your fault.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 18:10 – Wow. She’s going to the gypsy fortune teller Madame Serena. If only she had three nipples like in MALLRATS.
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 18:55 – Shouldn’t you be busy rescuing a little girl?
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 18:55 – Well, it’s good to see the short exorcist from POLTERGEIST got work in the late 80s.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 19:40 – Whoa! Did this movie just make a PUNKY BREWSTER reference? WTF?
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 20:25 – Nothing says credible gypsy fortune teller like a clam shell on your turbin.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 21:25 – Okay… I claimed that NEW MOON was a remake of TEEN WOLF. In reality, this movie was… a bad remake of a bad movie
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 22:30 – You can stop referencing 80s movies better than yours, ok.
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 23: 27 – Not even hardcore gay orgy porn has that many names for a penis.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 23:30 – Did that guy have the entire penis rap memorized, or was he freestylin’?
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 25:10 – Uh… do a sense another teacher student sex scandal?
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 25:10 – The wacky drama teacher just said, “All the world’s a stage.” You’d think a creative type would have better dialogue
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 26:15 – Rule of 80s teen comedies… The mousy heroine must always have a mousier friend.
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 27:10 – Don’t hold your breath, Louise. That’ll be outta fashion in about 2 years.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 27:20 – Inappropriate touch, Dick Sergeant!
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 27:45 – Why is Dick Sergeant wearing the mother’s fall colors sweater?
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 28:20 – I always burp when my date opens the door. It’s a big turn on for most women.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 29:30 – Wow. It’s good she brought her whore outfit in her bag with her. She must be a girl scout… always prepared.
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 30:00 – I don’t know whose outfit is worse!
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 30:30 – Proof that no one could dance in the 80s… at least not at the white high school.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 31:30 – Oh, I get it… she wishes for something, and it happens. I’m not expecting her to wish for world peace anytime soon
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet ALL – I wonder if the amount of hairspray used in this movie is the real cause of global warming?
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 32:35 – “I have a little brother. I know about men.” Um… ew. That sounds nasty.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 33:20 – “I can drive through the fog like a hog with a hard-on.” Wow. Just wow. Did this win a screenplay Oscar?
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 34:00 – I wish this movie would be better… damn! That didn’t work.
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 34:10 – But where does he go? Is he just gone forever? Will his family ever know?
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 34:50 – I don’t think I’d look any weirder riding that bike in that skirt.
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 35:20 – i’m still not sure if her little bro, is in fact a bro.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 35:25 – This little brother is like a cross between Spencer Breslin and Rosie O’Donnell.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 36:20 – Why is the tub filled with a bubble bath? That doesn’t even make sense.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 36:55 – “Beginner’s spells are very weak. Water reverses them.” Okay… now you’re just making shit up.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 37:40 – Okay, that’s pretty funny… the short exorcist from POLTERGEIST had to use a ladder to get a book off the 2nd shelf
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 38:30 – “We can even make our own money.” Of course, it involves us sucking cock.
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 39:20 – Yeah, don’t use those powers for anything, you know, useful.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 39:55 – Cue erotic POLTERGEIST exorcist dance.
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 40:00 – Wow. Really? You should leave odd dancing to semi-reggae to Tim Burton.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 40:45 – The local carousel… where everyone goes to read books about magic.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 41:30 – Oh poo… I just read the hurricane spell.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 43:15 – Apparently all the girls shower in their leotards.
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 43:20 – REALLY? A NEW U2 SONG? WOW. You couldn’t even say you were speaking latin? or aramaic or whatever?
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 43:50 – Ok, now this is fun. I want to go swimming now, too.
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 44:50 – LOVE SLAVE? Maybe this could be good. A teen magic dominatrix love story.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 45:30 – Great. You vaporized a frog. You are an awesome witch.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 46:20 – So basically these witches just use their powers to get laid.
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 46:30 Ok. This is just… wow. Its like this movie could turn into a bizarre porno at any minute.
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 48:00 Really, brad? That didn’t strike you as odd AT ALL?
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 48:10 – How many freaking chairs does Louise have in her bedroom normally?
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 49:00 – Jesus. This guy is dumber than bella swan when it comes to detecting creepy magical pretty person stalkers.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 50:30 – What a perv. Going through her purse. I’m a fat guy with three sons, and even I know that’s wrong.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 51:00 – That’s awesome. She’s making a voodoo doll. Already delving into the dark arts, huh?
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 52:00 – Again. Turning into a bizarre porno at any moment….
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 52:00 – If I wanted to get revenge on my pervy English teacher, I would do it in a way that didn’t involve seeing him naked.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 53:15 – And Mr. Weaver is charged with a sex crime.
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 54:00 – Wow. This woman plays with her children’s mysterious dolls?
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 54:15 – The wacky voodoo doll subplot could have been edited out.
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 56:00 – And three weeks later, a jogger discovered her raped and mutilated corpse.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 56:30 – Now the girls are wearing shorts? Weren’t they in winter coats like a half dozen scenes ago?
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 57:00 – Dear god. It begins.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 57:10 – Jesus Christ! Another freaking rap song. Kill me now.
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 57:45 – TRUST ME. THIS IS NOT FUCKING HIP!
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 58:50 – NOBODY will ever top that….
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 58:30 – Since when did this movie turn into the pastel suburban version of 8 MILE?
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 1:00:00 – Darn. She doesn’t get to die at the end of the movie?
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 1:00:50 – So her secret potion is Maalox?
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 1:01:30 – Its called baking soda and carbonated water. Or coke and mentos.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 1:02:10 – The Shana World Tour? Who is Shana again? And does the world care?
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 1:02:35 – Hey supposed “popstar” who’s never had any career outside of this movie!
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 1:03:00 I cant wait for Shana’s behind the music.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 1:03:45 – The costume designer of this film has a definite thing for poofy mesh skirts.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 1:04:40 – So pop non-star Shana gave her the lucky jacket, which smells like cocaine and vomit.
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 1:04:45 – Really? You couldn’t just find a bedazzler? Maybe get it from Bowie in Labyrinth?
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 1:06:00 – So what is this movie trying to say? If you get to do magic, use it to make yourself popular, but not help people.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 1:06:30 – Oh Christ on a crutch, will someone kill this local white rap group, please.
AronDej: @kevincarr Well, I haven’t seen them anywhere else. So maybe they did.
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 1:06:40 – I think this is the reason Shana never became popular.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 1:08:10 – I’m pretty sure this scene could easily turn into a snuff film.
AronDej: @kevincarr I wholeheartedly agree. It would make the movie fun, too.
AronDej: IDEA: ‘Teen Witch 2: The Small Town Local White Rapper Massacre’
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 1:08:25 – I wonder if this is how the idea for the messengers came about?
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 1:09:40 – This isn’t even smooth jazz. This is the music I hear when I go into Walgreens.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 1:09:44 – This movie has suddenly turned into a Calvin Klein ad.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 1:10:30 – And now for the most romantic dry-humping scene ever committed to celluloid.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 1:12:20 – I’m pretty sure that the most popular girl in any given school doesn’t have signs around the school praising her.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 1:14:00 – Do we really need to explain why you say “break a leg” and not ‘good luck” in the theater?
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 1:15:15 – This movie is putting me to sleep. Must… tweet… to… stay… alive.
AronDej: # 1:16:00-ish – You’re a true friend, Louise.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 1:16:50 – Why is the androgynous “brother” making her breakfast in bed?
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 1:17:00 = Just when I thought her little he-she sibling couldn’t be more annoying.
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 1:17:37-wish – Ok. Now that was actually funny.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 1:18:40 – Wait… is she learning a lesson? Or just trying to get dry-humped again. I’m confused.
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 1:18:20 (?) – Watcha gonna do with all that ass, all that ass inside those jeans.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 1:19:00 – This scene brought to you by Adidas.
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 1:19:30 – So basically what the movie is trying to say is that all kids should aspire to be is popular.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 1:21:20 – Back to the carousel, or by what the town calls it: the library.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 1:22:00 – This exorcist from POLTERGEIST always looks like she’s ready to go to a fabulous hat party.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 1:23:30 – I could turn this movie off right now, 10 minutes from the end, and not feel like I missed anything.
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 1:23:45 – Again with the turning into a bizarre porno thing…
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 1:23:50 – Why are the POLTERGEIST exorcist and Louise giving each other deuling lap dances?
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 1:24:40 – This school has more dances than it has teen pregnancies.
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 1:25:00 – So they got Shana to play at the prom? Wait… that isn’t even her. Who’s this other wannabe pop star?
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 1:25:00 – WoW! did you see the knockers on that girl in red? Bouncy bouncy!
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 1:26:10 Dear god in heaven.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 1:26:00 – “Let’s make our move.” If your move involves rapping, please don’t make your move.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 1:26:20 – So Louise’s date is the exorcist from POLTERGEIST? Isn’t that illegal somehow?
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 1:27:00 – Its official, this is what ever prom should be like.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 1:27:30 – The message of TEEN WITCH: It’s better to be popular than to be yourself.
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 1:29:30 – So this is the climax? She becomes popular and gets the boy at the prom. Where’s Carrie White when you need her?
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 1:30:07 – REALLY. This is where you end your movie? No real character resolution? I guess it doesn’t matter that much…
kevincarr: #teenwitchtweet 1:30:20 – And ROLL CREDITS! God in heaven… this makes TEEN WOLF look like THE DARK KNIGHT.
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet especially considering the movie didn’t have much of a plot anyway.
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet 1:32:00 – (credits) – I want this soundtrack. NOW.
AronDej: #teenwitchtweet So yup. Basically teen witch’s message is that being Popular & finding love matters more than friends, family, or yourself.
kevincarr: Big thanks to @AronDej for joining in the TEEN WITCH live-tweet. A plague on both his houses for recommending the film, though.
kevincarr: Final thoughts on TEEN WITCH… TEEN SHIT. Yup, I went there.
Thanks to @AronDej for joining in on a late-night live-tweet.
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Tags: 80s, Dick Seargent, Live-Tweet, Teen Witch
