Kevin’s Live-Tweet of ‘Who Can Kill a Child?’
On October 21, Kevin live-tweeted the 1976 Spanish thriller, Who Can Kill a Child? Here’s a log, complete with time-code for your home-viewing pleasure.
A big thanks to @Fozziebare for recommending the film.
WCKAC 00:40 – Movie opens with an Auschwitz retrospective… cheery stuff.
WCKAC 02:15 – Uhhhh… okay. Thanks for the random history lesson.
WCKAC 02:40 – I get it. Kids die in war. Kinda weird to have the sound of kids laughing over the soundtrack.
WCKAC 04:00 – Wasn’t this originally a Broadway musical?
WCKAC 05:00 – So rah rah United States for the Korean War? That was an odd diversion.
WCKAC 07:45 – When does Sally Struthers show up?
WCKAC 08:00 – The real tragedy in this film… some of those European ladies in their bikinis.
WCKAC 08:20 – I’ve seen less back fat in a bacon factory…
WCKAC 09:00 – This week… on POLICE SQUAD.
WCKAC 09:30 – Is that even a real hearse? Or did he just borrow it from a milk man?
WCKAC 10:00 – Gay porno star backbacking in Spain. Whatever… it was the 70s.
WCKAC 10:45 – I think I’m giong to go buy a leisure suit. Bringing it back, baby!
WCKAC 11:20 – No, I”m not Scottish at all. Ignore my hideous red plaid luggae.
WCKAC 12:10 – Where’s Borat for the Running of the Jews?
WCKAC 13:10 – Gracias… Is that how you say “Thank you”? Yeah… and let me bring in Elmo to teach you how to count to ten.
WCKAC 13:45 – And that’s called a pinata. It’s a tutorial of “no shit” Spanish words.
WCKAC 14:00 – Was that Zac Efron holding the pinata
WCKAC – 15:00 – Principal Feeney from Saved by the Bell is the concierge!
WCKAC 15:45 – “I’m almost a doctor”??? That qualifies you to deliver your wife’s baby on a private island?
WCKAC 16:20 – Check out that lady’s yellow teeth. I’ve heard of teeth-whitening procedures on Twitter.
WCKAC 18:25 – Spain: Land of pasty, chunky white old ladies in bikinis.
WCKAC 19:30 – Did we miss a reel of film? Why was there an alarm and everyone running from the beach, then smash-cut to fireworks?
WCKAC 22:20 – Two separate twin beds in the hotel room. Are we in the 70s or the 50s?
WCKAC 24:50 – Why is the guy wearing the same leisure suit the next day? Oh wait, yeah, it was the 70s.
WCKAC 25:45 – “You must say buenos dias.” More “no shit” Spanish language lessons.
WCKAC 26;15 – “I wish I could bathe.” Honey, we all wish you could bathe.
WCKAC 26:40 – “The current often brings driftwood, things, dead bodies to the mainland.”
WCKAC 28:00 – This movie has inspired me to buy a Speedo for next summer… just to horrify people.
WCKAC 28:45 – I’m kinda wishing this kid would just scream, “Pancakes!” and start up with some awkward martial arts moves.
WCKAC 29:45 – This is a vacation spot? It looks like the place where Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid were gunned down.
WCKAC 31:20 – So you’re clearly pissed that you can’t steal ice cream. And the bar is empty too.
WCKAC 32:00 – Apparently it’s customary to just ransack ice cream carts and bars when you’re on vacation in Europe.
WCKAC 33:50 – Add breaking and entering to your vacation practices.
WCKAC 35:35 – PANCAKES!
WCKAC 36:20 – “I have a baby in here.” Oh really? I just though tyou were fat.
WCKAC 37:20 – Oh please don’t go. I was having so much fun with you awkwardly fondling my pregnant belly. That sort of thing is my bag, baby
WCKAC 39:45 – Clean up on aisle two!
WCKAC 40:15 – This guy’s now just making shit up about local customs.
WCKAC 40:45 – The brand of bread the guy just stole is called “Bimbo” bread.
WCKAC 42:20 – Let’s grab a table right by the toilet seat hanging on the wall.
WCKAC 43:00 – “Do you speak English?” Yeah, that’s what you yell into a random call in the middle of Spain.
WCKAC 46:10 – “I’m bathed in sweat. I think I even smell of it.” Well now I need to find a hotel room so we can have sex right away.
WCKAC 47:45 – Hey! That green jacket matches the shelves and flower pots downstairs!
WCKAC 50:00 – That girl run like a… well, like a girl.
WCKAC 50:20 – This is the 1970s Spanish version of bumfights
WCKAC 51:00 – Can’t the guy give medical attention to the beaten old man? After all, he said he was “almost” a doctor.
WCKAC 51:30 – This is not what I expected to find when I looked “behind the green door.”
WCKAC 53:50 – That would have been impressive if the old dude pinata would have been filled with candy.
WCKAC 55:30 – So this is basically CHILDREN OF THE CORN, hold the corn?
WCKAC 56:10 – You know, it’s at times like these that you should just… get the f*ck off the island!
WCKAC 57:00 – I’m just going to pretend I didn’t see these dead people and tell my wife they were just playing. Leave the island, dude!
WCKAC 58:10 – This guy is perfect for horror movies. He just wants to investigate. If there were two of him, he’d split up.
WCKAC 1:01:20 – Tom! Save me! George Lucas is coming to kill me with a broken bottle!
WCKAC 1:02:20 – Seriously, why are they sticking around? The boat they came in is still at the dock. It’s not like they need to get a cab.
WCKAC 1:04:50 – Personally, I’m not into killing children, but I could do it if they were attacking me and my wife. I’m just sayin’
WCKAC 1:06:10 – Why is he bothering to check the radio. Is he searching for a news report from the island’s ABC affiliate?
WCKAC 1:07:00 – It’s the Dutch operator. Looks like she’s biting the dust. Where can we find her, creepy 70s George Lucas?
WCKAC 1:07:30 – Brilliant. Leave your pregnant wife with creepy 70s George Lucas, who refuses to defend against murdering kids.
WCKAC 1:10:30 – Spain has a really f-ed up sex ed program, apparently.
WCKAC 1:13:20 – Creepy 70s George Lucas is such a sucker!
WCKAC 1:15:00 – *NOW* they decide to run away?
WCKAC 1:15:50 – Brilliant ADR of breathing heavy and panting.
WCKAC 1:16:30 – This is either a child death squad of the cast of YOU’RE A GOOD MAN, CHARLIE BROWN.
WCKAC 1:17:20 – Cue JAWS theme rip-off!
WCKAC 1:17:40 – The movie’s new title is WHO CAN OUTRUN A CHILD?
WCKAC 1:18:10 – “There’s a few houses on the other side of the island. We might be able to find a boat there.” What about the one U left?
WCKAC 1:19:25 – Oh, were you still talking? Making up more b.s. about local customs, dear?
WCKAC 1:22:00 – Old lady: “Ha ha!” child abuse if funny!
WCKAC 1:23:00 – In this scene, I keep expecting Michael Ironside to show up and make someone’s head explode.
WCKAC 1:26:50 – When games of Red Rover go bad!
WCKAC 1:27:40 – Wait a minute… who has a sub machine gun just lying around. I thought this was a fishing village.
WCKAC 1:29:45 – There are more guns on this island that living adults.
WCKAC 1:30:30 – Wow. Well, I guess we got an answer to the movie’s title.
WCKAC 1:35:10 – I just need this pillow and pack of cigarettes, and everything will be all better.
WCKAC 1:35:45 – Let’s take a nap rather than find the boat and leave the island. Nothing more could possibly happen now.
WCKAC 1:38:40 – Something tells me this isn’t going to end well.
WCKAC 1:40:40 – Uh… are you going to do anything to help, Mr. “I’m almost a doctor”?
WCKAC 1:45:20 – Moral of the story… ditch the pregnant wife. You can go much faster without her.
WCKAC 1:45:40 – Amazing. Look at all those boats. And you were just a couple blocks from them.
WCKAC 1:46:15 – This is like a giant whack-a-mole game.
WCKAC 1:46:25 – Hey look! The scissors from INSIDE!
WCKAC 1:48:00 – Hey man! You got red paint on all these kids.
WCKAC 1:49:10 – And Ricky Schroeder gets his revenge!
WCKAC 1:50:00 – And ROLL CREDITS as the kids begin their own lil’ apocalypse.
Final thoughts on WHO CAN KILL A CHILD? Fantastic concept, a bit of a slow starter, but creepy as hell in the 2nd half.
Big thanks to @AronDej for joining in on the live-tweet!
Follow Kevin on…
Related Reading
Tags: Evil Children, Live-Tweet, Spanish Horror, Who Can Kill a Child?
Neil Miller is the Publisher and Executive Editor of 
Kevin Carr crawled from the primordial ooze in the 1970s. He grew up watching movies to the point of irritation for his friends. He was a font of useless movie knowledge until he decided to put that knowledge to good use. He is now a professional film critic read worldwide, much to the chagrin of Michael Bay.
