Kevin’s Live-Tweet of ‘The Stepfather’
On October 26, Kevin live-tweeted the 1987 original thriller, The Stepfather to cleanse the awful taste in his mouth from the remake. Here’s a log, complete with time-code for your home-viewing pleasure.
October Horror Movie Day 26 is… “The Stepfather” (1987) Shout Factory just released for the first time on DVD. #kevincarr31horrormovies
STEPFATHER 00:15 – Starring LOST’s Terry O’Quinn. Already, I like him better than NIP/TUCK’s Dylan Walsh (and we’re not even past the cred)
STEPFATHER 01:30 – Like HALLOWEEN, movie opens with a lot of trees with leaves on ‘em (Cali), but also fall leaves on the ground (not Cali)
STEPFATHER 02:15 – Terry O’Quinn butt shot… if anyone’s into that.
STEPFATHER 03:00 – And there’s the John Locke we all know and love… nothing says psycho like an argyle sweater vest.
STEPFATHER 04:10 – Wow. Holy butcher shop, Batman. I already like this movie way better than the remake. This is twisted.
STEPFATHER 05:00 – Best part about this opening already… he just walks away. Doesn’t drive. Just… walks… away.
STEPFATHER 07:00 – How sweet. A leaf fight… but where did all these leaves come from? The trees are all green.
STEPFATHER 08:50 – Just because you give your step-daughter a puppy doesn’t mean you can stroke her arm in a creepy way.
STEPFATHER 10:15 – Suspended five times from school = trouble in 1987.
STEPFATHER 11:30 – Girlfight! With finger paints! Is this kindergarten or high school?
STEPFATHER 13:40 – Stephanie got expelled… but they just sent her home to tell her parents. WTF?
STEPFATHER 14:30 – Scariest thing about this movie is, I had friends in high school whose stepfathers were like this guy.
STEPFATHER 16:30 – Wow. It is freaking dark outside that window. Gotta love studio shooting.
STEPFATHER 18:30 – Nothing like watching MISTER ED as foreplay. And they say there are no warning signs.
STEPFATHER 19:45 – The biggest contributor to teen stereo use: Your parents doing it in the other room.
STEPFATHER 22:10 – The reporter who covered the murders didn’t know the ruggedly handsome guy was the dead wife’s sister. Great journalism.
STEPFATHER 24:50 – Jerry is very disturbed by today’s installment of Ziggy.
STEPFATHER 25:50 – I’m twelve years old! Why are you making me a newspaper pirate hat?
STEPFATHER 26:20 – Ahhhhh… a deep freeze in a horror movie. This is like putting a gun on the wall in act one.
STEPFATHER 27:00 – It’s always awkward when you catch your stepfather in a psychotic rant in the basement.
STEPFATHER 29:00 – So Stephanie is a better researcher than the lame reporter a couple scenes back.
STEPFATHER 30:10 – Hey, was that Borat in the background?
STEPFATHER 30:30 – “My 3 o’clock patient is a schitzophrenic, so I charge him double.” Ha! Mental illness is funny!
STEPFATHER 31:55 – Any mailbox with a little house glued on it is just asking to be hit with a baseball bat by a punk driving by.
STEPFATHER 33:40 – Jerry could have avoided this whole mess by not getting his psychotic 8×10 glossy head-shot
STEPFATHER 37:00 – “What do you plan on doing about it?” Police: “We got nothing.” We’re really terrible police
STEPFATHER 37:30 – I love this movie. The police detective told the vic’s brother to just “get a gun and blow the sonofabitch away.” Awesome
STEPFATHER 38:20 – The psychologist’s excuse for Jerry’s odd behavior:”We all do that.” Really? We all have psychotic rants in our basement?
STEPFATHER 40:20 – And cut on that awkward after-school special moment.
STEPFATHER 41:15 – Is that a Rick Springfield poster on Stephanie’s wall? That girl has great taste… for 1987.
STEPFATHER 42:45 – “I’m in stress management.” Apparently he works at a non-therapeutic massage parlor.
STEPFATHER 44:30 – This movie includes a scene from FOX’s new reality show: “When Realtors Attack!”
STEPFATHER 45:00 – That was definitely an effective murder scene… but who wouldn’t want to beat a psychologist with a 2×4?
STEPFATHER 46:50-The real reason for the crack down on mortgage licensing in recent years… so realtors don’t kill people at an open house.
STEPFATHER 48:40 – Whistling “Camp Town Races” always calms me down after a murder.
STEPFATHER 49:50 – I think Jerry needs Cherry Jones from SCARY MOVIE 4 to use a hot dog to explain to Stephanie how her doctor died.
STEPFATHER 52:50 – The birdhouse is a symbol of Jerry’s stability in his family (powered by violence)… or it’s just a birdhouse.
STEPFATHER 55:30 – Jerry’s been with the family for a year, and he still doesn’t know if Stephanie likes white or dark meat? Really?
STEPFATHER 56:30 – Get on my sweet ride… and by sweet ride I mean my hog… and by hog I mean my pastel-colored scooter.
STEPFATHER 58:30 – Whoa! This movie swerved back into the after-school special about teen sex.
STEPFATHER 1:00:30 – I am a bit curious as to how many serial killers plot their crime spree based on an article in a travel magazine.
STEPFATHER 1:01:45 – Nerdy secrateries with glasses are puddy in the hands of the ruggedly handsome brother.
STEPFATHER 1:02:50 – Stephanie makes a creepy, unscheduled visit to her shrink’s office. I’m turning the movie off if she smells something.
STEPFATHER 1:03:40 – The most convenient blotter ever seen in movie history. Better than a Franklin planner.
STEPFATHER 1:05:50 – All these years, and I’ve been wondering where I could pick up some pink butcher paper for my open house.
STEPFATHER 1:08:00 – I keep expecting Jerry to yell, “I drive a Dodge Stratus! People are afraid of me!” during this uncomfortable dinner.
STEPFATHER 1:10:00 – Yeah. There’s no doubt about it… Terry O’Quinn is way creepier than the PG-13 Dylan Walsh.
STEPFATHER 12:30 – This family shows the darker side of 80s shoulderpads and Tim Kazurinsky.
STEPFATHER 1:14:30 – The “Who am I here?” line is so much more effective in this than the remake
STEPFATHER 1:16:30 – Always when you’re in a hurry, you get stopped at a crosswalk with nuns and little kids.
STEPFATHER 1:16:50 – Well hello… Stephanie gets a nude shower scene. Yet another reason why this movie is awesome.
STEPFATHER 1:18:20 – Ruggedly handsome brother apparently only has his ruggedly handsome looks to go on… not smarts or defensive skillz.
STEPFATHER 1:20:00 – A rare sight in 80s horror: a high school girl who actually fights back. Excellent.
STEPFATHER 1:22:00 – Stephanie should really observe Rule #2 here: Double Tap.
STEPFATHER 1:24:30 – That was a much better ending than the remake. Very visceral. Very ugly. Very awesome.
STEPFATHER 1:25:10 – Again, we are reminded that the birdhouse is a symbol of Jerry… or it’s just a birdhouse.
STEPFATHER 1:25:55 – And ROLL CREDITS! And cue the totally tubular 80s synth music.
After watching THE STEPFATHER from 1987, I had to find this old SNL clip… http://bit.ly/eoVrq #idriveadodgestratus!
Jill Schoelen (Stephanie from 1987’s THE STEPFATHER) was also in the 80s PHANTOM OF THE OPERA and POPCORN (buy a bag, go home in a box)
@FakeRobHunter on Schoelen’s shower scene: “it’s okay if you want to lick the screen in admiration of her firm behind and chest apples”
Read more of @FakeRobHunter’s analysis of THE STEPFATHER at http://bit.ly/2xXE9b (FSR’s 31 Days of Horror 2009)
Final thoughts on THE STEPFATHER… cheesy 80s music, but still a great thriller. T.O’Quinn rules! Watch this on DVD instead of the remake.
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Tags: Jill Schoelen, Live-Tweet, Terry O'Quinn, The Stepfather
Neil Miller is the Publisher and Executive Editor of 
Kevin Carr crawled from the primordial ooze in the 1970s. He grew up watching movies to the point of irritation for his friends. He was a font of useless movie knowledge until he decided to put that knowledge to good use. He is now a professional film critic read worldwide, much to the chagrin of Michael Bay.
