Kevin’s Live-Tweet of ‘Martyrs’
On October 23, Kevin live-tweeted the 2008 French extreme horror flick, Martyrs. Here’s a log, complete with time-code for your home-viewing pleasure.
A big thanks to @simonmiraudo and @antho42 for recommending the film. (And a big thanks to @FakeRobHunter for throwing down his support.)
October Horror Movie Day 23 is… “Martyrs.” @FakeRobHunter assures me this movie will brighten my day. #kevincarr31horrormovies
In the director’s introduction to MARTYRS, he thanks me for watching it and tells me that it might not have been a good decision. Nice.
MARTYRS 01:00 – Normally, I’d like a movie that began with someone running in their underwear, but I don’t think this is that kind of movie.
MARTYRS 04:50 – A dude with a scar questioning the girl. He must be a bad guy, right?
MARTYRS 06:45 – This is easily the creepiest orphanage ever built. Why take a trauma victim here?
MARTYRS 07:50 – Well, that’s not going to help any kid with the thoughts of what’s under the bed.
MARTYRS 08:55 – Oh, pretend sibling rape is funny!
MARTYRS 09:40 – Sending the wife out to fix the septic tank. Who wears the pants in this family?
MARTYRS 10:25 – This family is pretty cavalier about finding a dead mouse in the water main. They’re still eating after finding it. Yum.
MARTYRS 11:15 – An extra $8000 for tutoring? How dumb is this kid?
MARTYRS 12:00 – This is why you look through the peephole first.
MARTYRS 15:15 – She just littered. That’s just wrong.
MARTYRS 17:10 – For efficiency, she really should have chosen a pump action rather than a break action shotgun.
MARTYRS 15:10 – Gollum has seen better days.
MARTYRS 21:15 – At this point in the film, I have no faith in the French social services division.
MARTYRS 23:30 – So at what point did the other girl realize this might have been a bad idea?
MARTYRS 26:20 – “Is this making you sick?” That was the no-duh question of the movie.
MARTYRS 27:25 – Er, sorry. Making out over dead bodies isn’t exactly a turn on.
MARTYRS 30:30 – That’s very responsible of Anna to want to clean up.
MARTYRS 32:20 – Normally, I’m totally into girl fights, but this is f-ed up.
MARTYRS 34:10 – Mmmmmm… pea soup.
MARTYRS 38:30 – You’ve gotta hand it to Lucie. She’s nothing if not tenacious.
MARTYRS 39:20 – Now what did that lamp ever do to you? #ilovelamp
MARTYRS 39:50 – “You think I’m insane too. Just like the doctors.” This is generally not what you want to hear from your crazy friend.
MARTYRS 41:20 – Does anyone else think the apparition kinda looks like Calista Flockhart?
MARTYRS 42:30 – What’s really scary about this movie is that I know someone who reminds me of Lucie.
MARTYRS 42:50 – What’s also really scary about this movie is you know someone in Hollywood prob wants to remake it with Megan Fox.
MARTYRS 47:30 – In retrospect, this is probably one time that the buddy system was a failure.
MARTYRS 48:20 – These are creepy pictures to hang in your house. “Who’s your decorator? Can I have his number?”
MARTYRS 49:20 – A hatch. Suddenly we’re on an episode of LOST.
MARTYRS 50:20 – Well, at least they gave her a bucket. That was very thoughtful.
MARTYRS 52:00 – I should have known something was off with the family after they didn’t blink from finding a mouse in their water system.
MARTYRS 54:45 – Anna fancies herself a MacGyver doctor. A call to 911 might be in order.
MARTYRS 56:50 – Doesn’t Anna know that she shouldn’t leave torture victims alone in the bathtub?
MARTYRS 57:45 – Wow. Didn’t see that comiong.
MARTYRS 1:00:00 – Mass grave right next to the water pipe. Convenient, yes. Sanitary, no.
MARTYRS 1:01:15 – This old broad is all sorts of creepy.
MARTYRS 1:01:35 – The old broad just said she’s impressed by Lucie’s tenacity. That’s exactly what I said.
MARTYRS 1:06:00 – About now, Anna’s thinking she probably shouldn’t have insisted on cleaning up.
MARTYRS 1:08:50 – More pea soup. yum.
MARTYRS 1:12:35 – I wonder what the interview process is to get a job at this place.
MARTYRS 1:14:00 – This is a home-based business that keeps the pea soup industry afloat in France.
MARTYRS 1:15:30 – Wait a minute… those shackles don’t even have keys. Can’t she just open the latch herself?
MARTYRS 1:16:30 – Watching this movie just makes me realize how lame the captivity scenes in V FOR VENDETTA were.
MARTYRS 1:21:35 – It’s good to see that Henry Rollins look-alikes can get work in France.
MARTYRS 1:24:50 – I don’ think that guy’s a real doctor.
MARTYRS 1:25:30 – This movie asks the burning question… how necessary is skin, anyway?
MARTYRS 1:29:00 – Did we just time warp into the ending of KNOWING?
MARTYRS 1:32:50 – It’s a little hypocritical for all these old folks being happy about martyrs that can only happen with young girls.
MARTYRS 1:36:00 – And ROLL CREDITS!
Final thoughts on MARTYRS: Not nearly as disturbing as I was led to believe but definitely out there. Great twisting plot and cool themes.
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Tags: Extreme Horror, French Film, Live-Tweet, Martyrs
Neil Miller is the Publisher and Executive Editor of 
Kevin Carr crawled from the primordial ooze in the 1970s. He grew up watching movies to the point of irritation for his friends. He was a font of useless movie knowledge until he decided to put that knowledge to good use. He is now a professional film critic read worldwide, much to the chagrin of Michael Bay.
