Kevin’s Live-Tweet of ‘Inside’
On October 8, Kevin live-tweeted the French extreme horror flick Inside, released in an unrated version by Dimension Extreme. Here’s a log, complete with time-code for your home-viewing pleasure.
Pressing PLAY on INSIDE and wondering if it’s a bad idea that I’m eating Chef Boyardee beef ravioli while I watch this…
INSIDE 00:00 – Just got the “This DVD intended for sale only” warning, reminding me that the Weinsteins are big douchebags.
INSIDE 00:45 – When I heard this movie started inside a woman’s parts, I was thinking of something totally different.
INSIDE 01:20 – Car crash. Look for Halle Berry running away.
INSIDE 02:45 – So far, all I’ve got from this movie is that women can’t drive. (Aw, no he didnnt!)
INSIDE 03:45 – Watching credits reminds me that I watched my wife give birth to all 3 of my sons. Miracle of life, bah! It was terrifying!
INSIDE 05:45 – It’s always a good idea to light your OB-GYN office with creepy blue lighting. That calms the mother, of course.
INSIDE 07:15 – This is the worst nurse in the history of French hospitals. Telling a preg woman how awful labor, then smoking.
INSIDE 07:50 – Awesome. She called the cancer-stick nurse a twat, and we’re not even 10 minutes in.
INSIDE 08:30 – Yeah, I’m watching this with English dubs. It’s late and I’m lazy. Twat!
INSIDE 15:50 – Apparently she owns only a couple light bulbs. Her house looks like her gyno’s office.
INSIDE 16:55 – Holy cats! That’s one impressive vomit sequence. And she’s not even in college!
INSIDE 18:30 – Creepy voice at the door. At least she’s not stupidly opening up… at least not yet.
INSIDE 19:30 – This is why you own a dog. That black cat ain’t gonna do jack crap for you in this situation.
INSIDE 21:00 – Included with the “women can’t drive” message, apparently it also says “smoking kills”
INSIDE 23:00 – This lady should seriously start considering a digital camera. It just takes too long to develop photos of her stalker.
INSIDE 23:45 – I gotta say I love the minimalist music so far. Simple tones work so well in horror, ala HALLOWEEN and JAWS
INSIDE 25:00 – French cop: “Nobody around. I’m sure she left.” These cops are geniuses.
INSIDE 26:00 – Ah, now the cat comes sniffing around. Probably dinner time. It didn’t seem to care when the stalker was outside.
INSIDE 26:50 – Oh shit. Now that’s f-ing creepy.
INSIDE 27:50 – Wow. This lady has more pills lying around than any pregnant woman should ever have.
INSIDE 28:40 – Oh, don’t mind me. I like watching you while you sleep. (I knew a girl like that back in the day.)
INSIDE 29:20 – This is like the really, really, really evil version of Mary Poppins.
INSIDE 30:20 – High heel shoes are generally frowned upon when sneaking through people’s houses.
INSIDE 31:00 – Uh-oh. A pair of scissors. That was on the DVD image. This is not going to end well.
INSIDE 31:50 – Well, at least she’s sterilizing them. After all, she is a professinoal.
INSIDE 32:20 – Wow. That’s f-ed up.
INSIDE 33:00 – Blimey! That’s a big bathroom.
INSIDE 34:20 – Well, it’s a good thing I finished my Chef Boyardee ravioli a half hour ago.
INSIDE 35:50 – She’s still got a nice caboose for a pregnant lady. (yeah, I went there.)
INSIDE 36:30 – Wow. That’s one mannish stalker.
INSIDE 38:10 – Yup, go for the knitting needle. That always works in horror movies.
INSIDE 39:30 – Good aim. Bad mistake.
INSIDE 40:00 – You know… this film has some interesting similarities to THE STRANGERS from last year (or rather the other way around)
INSIDE 41:00 – Uh… I don’t even know what to say about that, except those are some damn versatile scissors.
INSIDE 42:20 – Scissors as a weapon = effective. Pillow as a weapon = non-effective. Scissors + pillow = surprisingly effective.
INSIDE 44:00 – Time for a smoke break. It always calms me down after brutal murders.
INSIDE 44:30 – Again, a reminder that cats are bloody awful guard pets.
INSIDE 45:15 – Rwouch!
INSIDE 46:00 – You know… the shots of the baby in the womb would be enhanced with a little Bruce Willis voice over, dontcha think?
INSIDE 46:45 – Where can I get a pair of scissors like that? It’s as awesome as the battery in the camera in CLOVERFIELD.
INSIDE 47:20 – “What kind of man would F a maniac like you?” Plenty. You’d be surprised.
INSIDE 48:30 – The cops in this movie obviously went to the police academy where they send small-town horror movie sheriffs in America.
INSIDE 49:20-See if her head’s on her pillow? At this rate, her head WILL be on her pillow… and her body will be on the couch. ba-da-bing!
INSIDE 50:30 – Sudddenly there’s a dozen lamps in the house? Did the maniac woman find some and set them out?
INSIDE 51:00 – Mrs. Scarangela? Is she related to the James Bond villain Scaramonga?
INSIDE 51:40 – Why is it cheaper to run a washing machine at night? This makes no sense.
INSIDE 52:10 – Don’t stick your hand through a hole in the door for the same reason why you don’t stick it in moray eel-infested coral reefs
INSIDE 53:00 – Oh yuh… this lady ain’t pregnant. We learnt about details like this in crappy police academy.
INSIDE 53:45 – Jeepers. This lady is like Inspector Gadget!
INSIDE 54:40 – Zoinks! I wasn’t expecting that. Good show, French horror people!
INSIDE 55:30 – If the French army had this lady working for them, the Nazis would have never invaded their country.
INSIDE 56:00 – Well, this kid’s definitely not a terrorist. He doesn’t have the stomach for it.
INSIDE 1:02:50 – Smoke break.
INSIDE 1:04:00 – Cripes! I haven’t seen that since WARLOCK. Nice move, preggo!
INSIDE 1:05:45 – The most impressive thing…. this bitch is doing it all in heels!
INSIDE 1:06:25 – This climax includes a distinct BLAZING SADDLES homage. Think about it…. there you go.
INSIDE 1:07:20 – Wow. The SFX broke down on that, but it was still one badass move.
INSIDE 1:08:45 – Duct tape. 1001 uses.
INSIDE 1:09:45 – Okay. Now she’s pissed. (heh heh… i almost wrote “now she’s pizza,” which isn’t necessarily inaccurate w/ make-up)
INSIDE 1:12:30 – That guy just doesn’t look healthy.
INSIDE 1:14:00 – I know technically it would be correct, but I would not characterize this as “natural childbirth.”
INSIDE 1:16;00 – If I were the director of this, I would f-ing sue Shonda Rimes. That bitch freaking ripped this off.
INSIDE 1;17:30 – I’ve seen both V-births and C-sections, and I have to say… this movie ain’t got nothing on them in terms of gore.
INSIDE 1:18:40 – And ROLL CREDITS! I think I’ll re-watch this with @carcarr819 when she’s pregnant w/ child #4. Good idea?
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Tags: Dimension, Inside, Live-Tweet
Neil Miller is the Publisher and Executive Editor of 
Kevin Carr crawled from the primordial ooze in the 1970s. He grew up watching movies to the point of irritation for his friends. He was a font of useless movie knowledge until he decided to put that knowledge to good use. He is now a professional film critic read worldwide, much to the chagrin of Michael Bay.